5AM// Stanlon

0.9

REALIZING•

One week after Mike left|

It was worse than Stan had thought it was going to be. The emptiness of it all, the loneliness. He had always been afraid of Mike sticking around because he didn't think he was good enough for Micheal.

Maybe it was his paranoia, or that anxious feeling he gets when he walks next to Mike and feels..less of himself in a way. He had even thought that pushing Mike away was the best thing to do, that maybe when the sun kissed male finally got tired and left it would be better for Mike.

However, seeing Mike walk out of the front door and drive away put things in perspective. Stanley was sure he would be back within a few days, but when a week rolled by and still no call from Mike he realized it wouldn't be that easy this time. It wouldn't be easy to just push him away and pull him back when Stanley was having a good day.

It felt like Stan had lost Mike and that was enough to make him try and get his shit together. The thought of never having Mike in his life anymore stuck with him the whole week. It was like a slap in the face to whatever stupid thoughts he had before.

Micheal loved him and he was too busy trying to find every excuse in the book as to why the man wouldn't.

He wanted to call. He really did. Sometimes he would just sit down and stare down at the phone, yelling silently at himself to pick it up. Just pick up the phone and tell him what he needs to hear.

He never did though.

It was Sunday now and Stan needed to restock the fridge. It was so strange to go grocery shopping without Mike by his side.

He had woken up early and put on his favorite collared shirt and khaki pants. He always dressed nice, but he always felt extra nice in his favorite shirt. The morning traffic was mellow and the sky was a looming grey. It clearly wanted to rain and Stan just hopped he was home before it started.

The local grocery store wasn't packed at all, just the way Stanley liked. There were plenty of shopping carts to choose from, so he found one without the annoying squeaky wheel that ticked him off.

Stan's mind was blank and he almost forgot what he came to the store for. Of course that could never happen when he made a list of exactly what he needed.

The whole store smelled old and used, it was honestly somewhere Mike and Stan don't usually shop, however the golden haired male didn't want to go to the nicer one. It was farther from the house and he just wasn't in the mood to go.

"Okay..milk," Stan paused, "I'm vegan...right."
He passed by the dairy aisle and went straight for the fresh fruit. It always took him awhile to pick fruit. He was very particular about it and had to make sure it was perfect before he brought it home.

Stan's dainty hands picked through apples and peaches, disappointed at the condition of most of the fruit.

"This is a disgrace...," he muttered and sighed softly.

"What? The fruit here not pretty enough for you, huh fag?" A voice said and Stan had never rolled his eyes so hard in his life.

"Well excuse me for wanting to put something that won't kill me, into my body." He hummed and started to walk away but the man followed him.

Stan was beginning to wish he had just stayed home. He didn't have time for people to pick on him, he was already feeling shitty about Mike.

"Maybe you should just go live on the farm with that monkey of a boyfriend you have."

"Monkeys don't live on the farm, dumbass." Stan mentally slapped himself for saying that. It was bad enough he was Jewish and gay, he didn't have to poke the fire.

"I'm a dumbass? I'm not the one dating a nigger. Why don't you just leave Derry, nobody wants you here, we could use a few less faggots."

The words stung, they always did. It always hurt worse when they talked about Mike. Almost everyone picked on Mike, he was apart of the only black family in Derry.

Stan took a deep breath and walked away, he continued until he left the store. This isn't the first time he had been discriminated against but when Mike was with him nobody ever walked up to them directly.

It was definitely scary but it was worse when they were younger.

"Keep it together Stanley, this town is just full of assholes."

That night Stan felt like calling Mike because out of the whole week Mike had already been away, this was the loneliest he had felt. Beverly had to go with him the next time he went shopping.

Another week passed before he finally decided to call. Multiple nights of tossing and turning in a cold bed was starting to get to him. He missed everything about his husband.

He missed the way Mike laughed at silly puns, his own puns. He missed how Mike would sing loudly in the shower, but it was always loud and beautiful. He missed the scattered kisses and bright smiles, the light touches and perfectly cooked meals.

He missed Mike as a whole, he missed the love they had before and what they had before Mike left.

He missed Mike, period.

Stan picked up the phone and called Mike.

At first he heard the voice of Mike's mother and they talked for awhile. He had thought she would be mad at him but she wasn't. Her voice was soft and calm and sometimes Stan realized she had a soft spot for him. She truly was like his mother too and Stan really appreciated that.

"You two have to talk it out, honey."

"I know, I'm ready to try. I was being stupid." Stan breathed into the phone. His head was still hurting and he mentally reminded himself to take his meds for the night.

"Now Stanley, you know I love you to death. I love you like my own son, so if you and Micheal keep playing games....I'll take the matter into my own hands." The woman was serious and Stan knew that from experience.

"I'm sure of it."

"You can talk to Mikey...and you two better fix this. I'm tired of him already, I can literally hear him running up my damn water bill as we speak."

So that was when Stan finally got to speak to Mike. Two weeks of waiting to hear his voice and he almost melted. He just wanted Mike to come home.

"If you're ready to talk...I'm listening."

"I don't want to do this over the phone." Stan sighed softly. He was sitting up in bed with the bedside lamp on. He could hear Mike thinking it over and for a second he thought the man would hang up.

"Meet me here..tomorrow. Early in the morning, and I'll take you out to the sunflower field. We can talk there. "

Stan released a breath he didn't know he was holding and he nodded.

"I'll be there. I...I'm sorry."

"don't be sorry Stanley, just be here." Then Mike hung up. The beeping on the other end made Stan place the phone down.

He guessed he'd be going to the farm, back to where they began.