Past Sins

Part 7

Alex's P.o.V

The glass of whiskey wasn't dousing the guilt I felt inside. I sat in the confines of my home office with my thoughts focused on only one person. These past few weeks had been rough.
I couldn't deny the fact that I desired her, I desired and wanted her more than I have ever wanted anything or anyone in my life.
But I wasn't one to chase after women, they did the chasing, not me.
If I couldn't have her then I could make her hate me enough to make me not want her. Hence my brutish behavior towards her.
Everything was working out great but anytime I said something spiteful to her it came back to haunt me, but it had to be done.

I had given strict orders to the security guard to alert me anytime she came to the house, thus my presence at the house.
Earlier today in the hallway, all I wanted to do was pin her to the wall and kiss her senseless when I caught her starring at my lips. It took all the resolve I had not to do that.
Damn!! why couldn't she be like other wanton ladies who threw themselves at me.

I was really shocked when I heard my mum utter the word pregnant and when she fainted, I panicked.
I carried her to one of the rooms in the house all the while gazing intently at her tummy through her dress.
Well who could blame me for not noticing she was pregnant with her stomach being the way it was. I thought it was just her tummy fat. But when I stared at it, I could see the little added swell of her stomach. How did I not see this before?
'Could it be possible? No no no it can't be. She was with two other men at the restaurant the other time. So it can't be. But what if?' My mind was frantically spinning with these thoughts.
After I had laid her down, my mum ushered me out of the room to her office with a scowl on her face. But I cared less, she could scowl all she wanted. I was lost in my own thoughts that I didn't realize her pacing up and down and ranting on about God knows what. I was in a world of my own.

I had to quickly get out of there. I couldn't think or function straight. And I desperately wanted to talk to her to be sure.

I followed her to her workplace and sat in my car for hours just staring into space. She soon came out and got into her car without even noticing I was in my car parked a little further from hers.
As she pulled her car out, I followed her but leaving enough distance so as not to draw her attention to someone following her.
And no, I wasn't stalking her, just following her.

She drove straight to a house which I guessed was her house since she didn't come out after a long while. I had to talk to her, my brain communicate to my legs but it made no move to get out of the car and walk towards the house.

I know I messed up that night but it couldn't be this big of a mess. No protection was used but it couldn't happen.
Denying it didn't make me feel any better.

I drove off and returned to my penthouse. I was too distraught and I really needed a drink very very badly.

As I sat in my office trying to drown myself in the alcohol, my mind kept wandering back to Zana and the possibility of me being responsible for the pregnancy.

I wasn't against the idea of having children but I wasn't ready to be trapped into fatherhood. I always thought I would settle down when I was approaching my forties and then start my own little family. I wasn't done having fun with women, no I was far from it.

And the thought of her possibly carrying my child infuriated me and at the same time frightened me.

If that was my child inside her then I had to do right by her and the baby, even if it meant giving up my freedom.
Marriage was the best option, maybe it wouldn't be that bad. No child of mine was going to be born a bastard, it was a sacrifice I was willing to make.
And on the plus side, I could ride out my desire for her till it went away and after she gives birth I would divorce her and take the child away from her. It sounded much better in my head but my heart didn't agree. To take a child away from its mother was too harsh a treatment.