I Ain't Your Mama [[PJM]] ✔️

Can't Look At You

I was so embarrassed.

Still. It had been a week since Jimin and I were making out, and he gave me my first orgasm. Every time his friends came round I ran and hid. I didn't like that they had seen me.

If we were just kissing then I don't think it would have bothered me so much, but the fact that I was half-naked made me feel sick. Even though Jimin said my body was beautiful I still hated it. I didn't like that his friends saw me.

I had been avoiding everyone and I knew I couldn't for much longer. Some award ceremony was around the corner and as Jimin's wife, I had to be there. All loved up and happy.

God. How was I meant to do this? I hated being in the public eye and this was our first proper public appearance since we got married. I knew I was going to make a fool of myself. How was I supposed to cope with those jealous, horrible people watching me?

Drink. Get drunk and hope for the best.

Who was I kidding? I wouldn't do that and I certainly didn't want to embarrass Jimin or his friends even further.

"Hana" Jimin called through the door "Can I come in?"

I sighed "Yeah"

He opened the door and leant on the door frame watching me "You can stop avoiding me now"

"I'm not avoiding you" I whispered.

"Bull shit" Jimin snapped and I stared at him with wide eyes "Stop acting like you're the only one who is embarrassed. They walked in on us making out and me with my hands all over you"

"But you aren't disgusting"

"For fuck sake, Hana!" Jimin shouted "You are not disgusting! How many fucking times do I have to remind you? You were or never will be disgusting"

I turned away from him and chewed my lip. Trying not to cry once again.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to shout at you. I get frustrated and I shouldn't shout,"

"It's ok," I whispered.

"Hana, please look at me"

"I can't look at you"

"Why?"

"Because I will feel like crying"

Jimin sighed "Why do you want to cry?"

"Because you don't understand" I sniffed trying not to cry "I've been compared to my sister from a young age. I've been called ugly, fat, disgusting and worthless. I've been bullied by nearly everyone I have known. It's hard. Then, to be seen by your and your friends makes me feel so...sick"

"I keep telling you that you are none of those. You are-"

"These feelings will not disappear overnight, Jimin. I have no self-confidence or self-esteem. No one has ever seen...no man has ever seen me so...so naked," I turned to look at him and I felt a tear escape "I can't be confident like you all the time. You have a.." I blushed "An amazing body"

Jimin sat down beside me "Hana, it wasn't always like that"

"If you say so,"

"Before I became famous I used to get bullied. Everyone called me fat, ugly and it knocked me down" Jimin shrugged "Then I made it my goal to prove them wrong and now look at me. I'm in one of the biggest boy bands around. Just because I'm confident doesn't mean I always feel it"

"I'm sorry" I mumbled "I just thought-"

"You need to learn to have more confidence, Hana. I understand that it doesn't happen overnight but I want to help you. Like I have said before, there isn't anything wrong with you. To me, you're perfect and I will tell you for the rest of your life that you are beautiful"

My heart skipped a beat "R-r-rest of my life? But we are getting divorced after-"

"We'll see about that" Jimin got to his feet "The guys are here. They want to see you. Come down with me?"

"S-s-sure" I stuttered and he grabbed my hand, pulling me after him.

We'll see.

The boys got to their feet when they saw me and I suddenly felt self-conscious just remembering that they saw me half-naked.

"We didn't see anything!" Jungkook said making me jump "W-w-we closed our eyes when we realised that you weren't dressed"

"And we definitely didn't see what coloured bra you had on or that-ouch!" Taehyung hissed when Yoongi punched him "What was that for?"

"We are trying to make her feel better about us walking in on their little loving moment. Not make her feel uncomfortable!" Yoongi smacking him again "Hana, you don't need to feel embarrassed"

"What? I didn't say that the bra was dark blue did I?" Taehyung said, "Oh...oops, I just said that but it wasn't bad at all!"

"Yeah!" Hoseok said brightly "It isn't that bad and you're nice to look at and I'll shut up"

Jin sighed "What we are trying to say is that you don't need to feel embarrassed because there isn't anything to be embarrassed about. Hana, you're beautiful and trust me, we have caught Jimin in much worse situations"

"Shut up!" Jimin said slapping his hand over Jin's mouth "Seriously"

"I accidentally walked in on him knocking one out" Namjoon laughed and I gasped "I'd rather not have to bring that up every time you feel ashamed about what happened"

"I am going to kill you!" Jimin ran at Namjoon and I stood there not knowing what to say.

Yoongi stepped beside me watching Jimin and Namjoon fight "Hana. You two are married. We all know you love him and I think Jimin has some sort of feelings for you"

"Don't be silly" I whispered "He doesn't"

"I wouldn't be so sure" Yoongi put his arm around me and kissed my forehead.

"Hey," Jimin said rushing over "Don't kiss my wife with your dirty lips"

My eyes went wide and Yoongi walked away laughing.

"Hana," Jimin said, "Shall I take you out for dinner tonight?"

"No" Taehyung complained "You said it was a boys night!"

"My wife comes first," Jimin said poking his tongue out at Taehyung "So, Italian?"

I cleared my throat "But your friends are here"

"Don't let us get in the way" Jungkook smiles and sent me a wink "I'm sure we could have a games night at Jin's"

"No!" Jin exclaimed "Last time you came to mine you broke every remote"

Yoongi caught my eyes as the boys were bickering. A look that told me 'I told you so'.

I couldn't believe it. Not just yet but with the way Jimin was telling me things, I found it harder and harder to think that he didn't have some sort of feelings for me.

Or was it because I was Eujin's sister?

I rubbed the bridge of my nose and sighed. Once again she had entered my thoughts and dragged me down.