Hurt//Jonah Marais { completed }

twenty six

*JONAHS POV FOR THE REST OF THE BOOK*

"jonah. what do you mean she's gone?" daniel asks with so much regret in his voice.

"she's. gone. she's dead. it's only me and rose." i said sobbing and dropping it the floor

"what about the other girl. weren't you going to have twins?" corbyn asked sitting down next to me

"she's gone to. sara marie. she's gone." i said crying in my knees.

"this is all my fault" i said.

"what. no why do you say that" jack said sitting next to me.

"because if i didn't fake bully her you all wouldn't have bullied her and daniel and jenna wouldn't have put her through so much pain made her lose half her blood by cutting herself. or with me getting her pregnant. she could still be here and i wouldn't be so sad and fucking depressed. i just want to be with her. but i FUCKED IT ALL UP WHY AM I MESSED UP IN THE HEAD. I WANNA DIE" i said then yelled. (still crying)

"jonah. it's not your fault. god just wanted some new angels" zach said. i hugged him. while crying

"zach is right. even though death is a scary and sad thing. it's also good. because she's up in heaven with sara. watching over you and rose. helping god. jonah you will be with her soon. but not now. not in 30 years. your time will come. but as of now we are here" jack said

"this is all because of me. you should hate me jonah. why do you still talk
to me. i don't deserve to be here right now. fuck. why am i so jealous of you. you getting all the girls. i'm so fucking stupid" daniel said falling to the ground crying. i moved next to him.

"daniel. it's not your fault. it's mine. please don't blame this on yourself. i need you to be there for me rn. i don't hate you. once again i just need you." i said. and after that rose started to cry i got up took her out of her crib. she looked so much like emily it's breaks my heart.

"shhhhhh. baby. everything will be ok. mommy is just taking a long nap. we will be with her soon." i said to rose. the rest of the night we were in emilys room on the floor. i was holding her favorite hoodie. it smells like her still. how am i going to live like this.

~two months later. the funeral~

it's july 15th and it's the day of emilys funeral. i'm not ready for this. i invited everyone. even her mom and dad. they don't hate me i don't know why. but they are going to miss her. we were at the church. and her parents are talking about em. makes me cry. now it's my turn. i walk up to the podium

"hi. most of you might know me. jonah marais also know as emilys boyfriend and or bully. i'm very very stupid for hurting her through high school. i just wanted to get close to her. i worked. but not in a good way. the wonderful day on may 8th when i got home from tour and found out we were having children. and on the most depressing day of my life may 16th she has left us. sara marie too. i wish they were still on this earth so i can hug them. and the worst thing of all. i never told her i love her." i said starting to cry. and then i saw the ghost of her. she sat in the back of the room in the most beautiful dress with my other baby. sara marie.

"i never got to tell her how beautiful she is. i never got to seen her as a mother. i never got to kiss her lips for the last time. my mom once said to me i can love you and still let you go. so emily. i love you." i said and took a deep breath letting tears out

"and i let you go. i'm going to miss you so so so so so much. and i hope where ever you go next. you feel peace, you feel safe and you feel happy. where ever you go next. i hope that you know. i love you. i love you with every single bone in my body. and i promise i'll be with you and sara soon." i finished off saying. the ghost of emily and sara marie got up opened the church do and went to the light. where they will be for the rest of eternity. it made me cry so much. i step down and hugged emilys parents who look like they are going through the same pain as me.

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if this chapter sounds familiar it's from 13 reasons why. soo