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12. Crybaby's Path

"Gosh, comb your hair better, it's a mess. You remembered your homework right? Make sure you eat lunch, don't just drink juice. I put money in your bag in case you need it and don't forget to call me if you're going to be late."

"Ugh stop nagging me so much, noona! You tell me the same stuff every day. That whole speech is permanently burned into my brain. I'll still remember all of it even if you don't tell me every day."

"Just shut up and listen to your elders, ok? Nagging you just makes me feel better, like I'm doing something productive in raising my precious little baby, so just deal with it." She hopped up and struggled to throw her arm around Da Reum's neck and ruffle his hair with the other hand. At some point her little brother had grown taller than her and it was harder to put him in a headlock than it used to be.

"You are too little for this to be effective anymore, noona." He said as he stood up straight and she lost her grip.

"Yeah, well I still know where you sleep." She glared at him and he chuckled in response. "Hurry up and go to school, you're going to be late." She pushed him out the door and he smiled and gave her a short wave on his way out.

"Now what the hell am I supposed to do?" She said out loud as she stood in the middle of the room, looking around. She wandered around the small apartment, pacing back and forth for no other reason than she just didn't know what else to do.

Her sense of purpose felt skewed lately. Not just because of Taeyong's constant presence the previous few days, but even before that she had felt restlessness building inside her. For some reason, now it felt more present than ever and she couldn't understand why.

Because she spent every waking moment for a few days with someone she inadvertently got a crush on and now the echo of loneliness is even louder? She questioned.

"That's stupid." She scolded herself and shook her head before stopping again in the middle of the room and sitting down, legs folded in front of her.

Was it because the potential danger that he brought along with him thrilled her just a little? She did help him and give him stitches and take care of him and it did make her feel useful. She felt a pang in her heart as she was reminded of her father and wondered if he would be proud of her.

She had known for a while she was missing something. She spent her time taking care of Da Reum as best as someone her age could manage and often forgot that she was supposed to be looking for some path to run down for herself. As each day marked another small chunk of time subtracted from her lifespan, she was starting to feel like the longer she took to find that path, the further away it got.

She laid back, rested her arms open at her sides and lost herself in the abyss of thought, wondering if this revelation would bring some sort of useful insight that would help her navigate her function in life. Her head spun from the weight of the subject and each thought only raised more questions that she didn't have answers to. Then she heard the door click open.

"Noona!"

"What?" She sat up, startled.

"Oh my god, I thought you fainted or something. Don't scare me like that! What the hell are you doing just laying in the middle of the floor like that?" Da Reum asked in frustration.

"Hey, watch your mouth. I was just thinking, that's all. Why are you home already? Did you forget something?"

"What do you mean already? School was over 3 hours ago."

"Oh wow. You're right, what the hell am I doing?" She sighed and sat with her knees pulled up to her chest.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked as he tossed his bag on the floor and plopped on to the couch.

"Da Reum, my super smart and incredibly wise baby brother. Tell your noona, who is clueless and indecisive, what I should be doing with me life." Her body tipped backward and she softly fell back onto the floor again, staring up at the ceiling with her arms resting behind her head.

"Why are you asking me such a stupid question?"

"What the hell? How rude." She scoffed.

"I mean the answer is obvious, so the question is stupid."

"Is it? Please enlighten me then."

"You know you have always wanted to be a doctor like dad. From the time I could walk all I can remember is you following dad around every minute of the day, copying everything he did. You even pushed me out of a tree once just so you could wrap up my injury."

"Let's not talk about that." She laughed nervously.

"You like helping people, just like dad did. I hate to say this because I know you'll just brag about it later, but you are good at it too. If it's something you love and that you feel passionate about, then isn't it obvious?"

"I guess so. What if it's hard though? What if I can't do it?"

"We've dealt with hard plenty of times before. You've always been the strong one that gets us through it, so I know you can do it and I'll always support you."

She sat up looking at him as her lip slightly quivered and a tear ran down her cheek.

"My precious baby" she snivelled. "When did you turn into such a grown up? That was so sweet."

He smirked and got up from the couch to sit beside her on the floor. He put his arm around her shoulders and she rested her head on his arm.

"Quit crying. I told you that you are a crybaby sometimes." He snickered as he ruffled her hair.

"Shut up!" She pushed him over onto his side and he laughed. "Just for that, when I'm a doctor you definitely won't be getting free medical care." She stood up with her arms relaxed at her sides, feeling as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. "Go do your homework, I'm going to make dinner now. After you eat, you better clean up your room, it smells weird in there. You can't play any games until it's done."

"Noonaaa~~~~" he whined. "I hope when you're a doctor you stop nagging so much, too." He grumbled as he trudged to his room.

"I heard that. You remember that I'm the one that cooks your food, right?"

"Haha...just kidding. I love you noona!" He forced an exaggerated smile as he formed a heart shape with his arms above his head.

"You're so cute, even when you're a brat." She chuckled.