Incoherent. (Lams)

Chapter Twelve

Alexander Pov
It's been at least a few weeks since I saw that group.
          I miss John.
More than I thought I would.
Aaron and I have been doing a pretty good job defending ourselves but if you count that by the cleanliness of our camp then we wouldn't be doing great. There's a bunch of cigarettes pretty much everywhere and I don't look the same. I look a lot more I guess scary? I don't really know how to describe it I guess. I stopped wearing my hair up, and wear this leather jacket.
No more Mr.NiceGuy.

"Hey could you go on a raid real quick? We need some bullets. I'll stay here and make sure we aren't raided or have walkers infest our camp." Aaron asked.

"Yeah alright. I'll just go now." I told him, picking up my bag.

He nodded and gave me a knife. "See ya." I called over my shoulder.

I walked down the road in silence. The only noise was my fucked up boots flapping against the pavement.
I wanted to whistle.
I wanted to smile.
But I'm not that guy anymore.

"Alex?" I heard a voice call.
I kept walking.

"Alex?!" It called again.
I'm not turning around.

"Alexander help Martha is dying!" They called.

"Fuck off." I yelled back.

Someone touched my shoulder. I spun around and grabbed their collar, holding a knife to their throat.
It was Angelica.

She smirked. "You've changed." She said.

"You haven't." I said.

"Damn. Guys, Alex hit puberty!" She yelled back to her group.

I groaned and pushed her off me. "Leave me the fuck alone. I don't like you. You don't like me. Bye, bye bitch." I growled, walking away.

I pulled out some cigarettes and started to smoke as I walked down the road. "So. You smoke now." Martha said, walking by me.

"Go back to your lying ass group." I told her.

"John misses you, you know that right?" She asked.

"I don't care." I lied.
"Yes you do."

"Look." I said stopping. "I like you, but no fucking way."

"Alex, please."

"No. I'm with Aaron. And it's going to stay that way."

"Why do you smoke?" She asked. Because of Aaron.

"Because I'm an adult, I can do what I want." Second lie of today.

I never used to lie before.

"You're only nineteen! Your going to die by lung cancer instead of helping someone! You told me that you wanted to go down fighting! Like martyr! Not whatever the hell this is! This isn't you! I want the real Alex!" She shouted.

We stood there in silence.
"This is the real Alex."

"No!" She cried, tears streaming down her face.

My jaw clenched and I kept walking. I heard her sobbing and being comforted.
Don't look back.
Don't look back.
Don't look back.
Don't-
I turned around and ran back to them.