Incoherent. (Lams)

Chapter Twenty Four

Alexander Pov
"So." Angie said, breaking the silence between us, as we searched the aisles for walkers.

I turned back and smiled at her with a questioning look. She scowled but quickly corrected herself.

"I'm sorry for being an asshole to you." She said softly.

"It's fine!" I said happily, bouncing my step a bit.

I could tell it annoyed her but I couldn't help it. It's become a habit over the years of faking happy though I was actually fine at the moment.
Which is rare.

"How do you forgive me? I messed you up! I-I was the reason you started smoking! And your depression worsened-"

My eye twitched softly.

"And the reason you thought about starting on drugs and you had to live with Aaron despite the fact that he could snap your neck at any second and I made you so pissed you threw your cross out!"" She shouted.

I shrugged. "Can't stay mad forever. What good would that do?" I asked.

Through my peripheral vision, I saw her eye twitch. I smirked ever so slightly.

"How do you act like such an adult but such a child at the same time? How?!" She exclaimed, throwing her arms in frustration.

"I'm smart when I have to be and happy when I want to be." I told her, looking at a few books in the aisle.

She sighed heavily. "You were a poet?" She asked.

"That and law." I said.

"Law? You don't seem like a competitive person." She said.

I snorted. "If you only knew." I muttered.

"What?" She asked.

"There's a lot of things about me you don't know sweetheart." I told her, smirking at her shocked expression.

"I was graduating college at eighteen and going to go straight into a prestigious law firm. They had high hopes for me. Before this I was known as the man who was fueled by rage and coffee." I told her.

She chuckled. "Rage and coffee?"
"Mhm."
"What happened?" She asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked, leaning on the rack.

"How'd you go from running on rage to a happy lil bitch?" She asked.

I chuckled and said, "The apocalypse happened. Though I was still a really unnecessarily happy person before this happened. I liked pretty much everyone I knew and they all liked me. I made it clear I wasn't a complete idiot and had some common sense but could be happy at the same time." I said, going to the next aisle.

"I guess that makes sense. So...you and John?" She asked, though I wasn't sure what she was asking.

"Me and John?" I repeated.

"Erm..Sorry let me elaborate, if you hurt that man in any way shape or form I will personally cut off your other arm and slap you with it." She hissed.

"...please don't." I said softly.

"I will not hesitate to do that if you hurt him."

"You do realize you're talking to me, right?" I asked her.

"Oh fuck right. Sorry forgot you were goody two shoes for a second there." She told me.

When through another silence with me whistling and clicking my heels softly.

"I know this is a touchy subject...but can I ask about your family?" She asked.

I sucked in a breath at the mention of them.
Memories flooded in.

~~~

"N-no please don't make me do this." I begged, tears steaming down my face.

The knife dug deeper in my shoulder.

I screamed out in pain.
"Alex it's okay, j-just do it. It'll be fine. We still love you." My brother said, with a weak smile tears streaming down his face.

"No James...I-I can't!" I sobbed.

"Son, just get it over with. It's okay." My father said, strongly.

"Papá...T-te amo!" I cried.

"I know, shh...it's okay.." My dad said.

I pointed the gun at him and covered my eyes in my elbow, shooting him. I open my eyes and see him slumped against the wall.

"PAPA!" I screamed trying to rip towards him but being held back.

"NO!" I sobbed, stumbling back and crying more heavily.

"Now your mother." The man hissed in my ear.

"P-please." I choked out.

He pushed the knife further in my shoulder and I cried out.

Soon Mama and James were gone too.

~~

"Alex? You good?" Angie asked.

"Y-Yeah. Fine. Just erm...not so great memories." I muttered, being honest.

"Tell me about them. Before they...yeah." She said softly.

"Why?" I snapped.

"It'll feel better. I can tell that you're trying to bottle up your emotions about them and it's not helping you any." She said, touching my shoulder.

"I don't need your help. I'm fine." I growled, turning the corner and shooting a walker.

"Alex please. You can't do this to yourself." She said sadly.

"Oh I fucking can. Wanna watch me?" I hissed, shooting a few more walkers out of anger.

I wasn't angry at Angie but at myself.

"Jeez. I'm sorry." I told her, turning around.

"It's fine. Just you can't do this to yourself. It's destroying you and I can tell."

My eye twitched and I said, "Give me a moment."

She looked confused but nodded. I walked into a dressing room and curled into the corner and screamed incoherently.
A jumbled mess.
Just like me.
That's what I am.
Incoherent.
Damaged.
Messed up.

I punched the wall and slumped back down. I ran my hand through my hair and stood up. I took a deep breath and walked out.

Angie stood at the end of the dressing rooms looking concerned. "You okay?" She asked.

"Yeah. I needed to do some...stuff." I muttered.

"What'd you do, jack off?" She asked punching my arm.
"Yup." I said.

"Wait really? Ew." She said.

I snickered.

"No but seriously what'd you do? Did you pray or some shit?"

Crap I gotta get on that. Haven't talked to Him in a while.

"Nah I sat in the corner and screamed incoherently." I told her, simply.

"Bruh."
I shrugged.

"It helped."
"With what?"
"The fact that you're so annoying." "Hey!"