Dear Universe, ✔

1.

Dear Universe,

That's what I'm going to call all you internet readers, you strangers that get the insight to my crazy, fucked up, not all that interesting life.

Why am I going to be putting my life on the internet for the world to read? That's a good question. A question that I myself asked multiple times. So here's the answer that I got when I asked: "It will be good for you to vent and express yourself anonymously somewhere. It will make you feel better, a way to get your thoughts and feelings out there, in a creative way."

That's the bullshit my therapist gave me. So, yeah.

I guess for my first post I can tell you about myself? Not that anyone will read this, but hey, at least at my appointment next week I can say I did this stupid thing.

Okay so, since this is anonymous I'm not telling you my real name. You can refer to me as "Star".

So you're the universe and I'm just a star.

I'm seventeen and a senior in high school. I have no idea what I want to do after high school, so lets not talk about that.

I used to be a cheerleader and I used to have a lot of friends. I used to go out and have fun all the time, and I used to be popular.

What happened?

My brother died.

That's also why I have a therapist. I know you were all wondering what that was all about. Cat's out of the bag.

My little brother was seven years old when I was driving him to baseball practice and we got hit by another car, head on. He was so excited to get to play with his teammates, I was going to take him out for ice cream after, he was happy.

And then he was gone.

I blame myself, and no matter how many people tell me it's not my fault. No matter how many therapy sessions I go to, no matter how many of these stupid entries I make for you to read - it will always be my fault.

My family hasn't been the same since and neither have I.

Life isn't the same and I don't think it will ever feel okay again....

That's enough for now.

-Star.

I close my laptop and push it away from me. I can't believe I just did that, I can't believe I just wrote about River. A lump forms in my throat as an image of my little brother comes to mind, the last image I had of him alive.

He was sitting in the backseat of my new car wearing his red and white baseball uniform, the smile on his face so wide that I could see the gaps from the few teeth he had lost recently. River was so excited that I was taking him to practice, he was going to hit a home run just for me and I was going to meet all of his friends...

Except we never made it to practice and River never made it past the intersection of Main and Willow.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear my bedroom door open and my mom enter the room. "Annie, are you ready to go?"

I look down at my shorts and t shirt, then up at my mom. "Uh, no...I forgot."

"Ten minutes." She turns and walks out of the room, leaving me to change and make myself presentable. I sigh and get up from my desk, walking over to my closet and grabbing the first dress I see. Slipping it over my head, I pull off my shorts and kick them towards my hamper on the other side of the room.