•Stranded• ( Gender Identity )

xx• Caged •xx

part 2

I never knew why i would pick the hem of my shirt , so the curves or any part of my body wouldn't be noticed .

I wanted everything flat .

I always have had disgusted by the thought of people wanting their b0obies to be bigger or making them spill out of their shirt.

Ew.

I never wanted to have those.

Why? I didn't know back then .

My mum and sister would say why don't you wear bras or some would say

"Haha look they got bigger , you're getting bigger "

And i would hate my self so much.

I always wondered why do i have to have those . Why couldn't i have a flat chest. I never wanted something out of my chest so people would look at it or be randy for it . Ew just ew.

I always refused bras or anything would make them noticed.

Here i am now staring at the mirror .

Pulling my hair and feeling pathetic . I hold my hand to my chest and flat it but it comes back as the shape it is .

I hate them . I hate me .

It wasn't a part of me and i knew . Even tho i was born with it i wouldn't dare to say a word .

I am too afraid to be judged no matter how much i say "i don't care" " i will do whatever i want or what i feel comfortable " .

Im always self-conscious , nervous and terrified deep inside about what others see about me .

Im a sin . A scum . A dyke . Abomination . Don't deserve a life .

But I'm only a human and i bleed when i fall down . Im only human and i crush and i break down .

Their words to my heads the knives to my heart .

I fall apart .

I used to take so much until i had enough . Now

I can't take it anymore .

Im physically comfortable but mentally insane . It's not who i am . It feels so wrong so so wrong .

I feel like I'm naked while the cold wind blows in and I'm so cold and shaking and terrified so so much.

I feel abandoned . Stranded between two the real me who I'm afraid to be and the one I'm stuck in who they expect me to be .