He once saw the galaxy in those clear eyes. Galaxy that was now replaced by a black hole sucking in everything that came by, hapiness and laughers all gone at same the time. He saw that black hole, and something deeper, hidden behing a thick veil of melancholia. Was it guilt and regret ? No, it didn't sound like Jinhwan at all.
Those same eyes had lost their brightness long ago, back when they were still teenagers chasing each other under the burning sun, in the middle of the locuts' sizzles and the heat of mid-summer. Far from everything, near the coast where the waves crashed along the shore and where the breeze smelt like salt and tide.
It all happened too fast, too easily. It was all out of control, and at the same time, it was meticulously planned.
The first time it happened, Hanbin was 16 and Jinhwan was 18. The men came, tied their hands and pushed them into the parked cars.
Hanbin had looked at the other in pure fright. His mouth was dry and no sound came out, but his questions resounded in the whole confined space.
What's going on ? Who are they ? Where are we going ?
Jinhwan sat still, trying to reassure the younger with a smile. His lips even pressed a kiss on their pale twins, and Hanbin found a way to blush in this situation. They were being watched and Jinhwan still had the guts to kiss him.
A few minutes elapsed before a man put a blindfold on Hanbin's eyes. He didnt protest, couldnt.
He lost notion of time, lost notion of his surrounding, except for Jinhwan's slender fingers holding onto his sweaty hand like a lifesaver.
They were separated when the car stopped. He heard Jinhwan's shout of protest but the adults were too strong.
Hanbin was shaking. He was still shaking when the blindfold fell and he faced a complete stranger.
Looking back, he may had wanted to keep on the blindfold.
Before his eyes, Jinhwan appeared next to the old man, sitting down on the floor like a good dog. Disgustingly, the man patted his hair, and Jinhwan flinched. Hanbin didn't miss the older's swollen lips, the violet slightly marking his cheek and how his ankle seemed to undure a lot of pain when he walked.
The old man raised his voice.
"You're Hanbin, right ?"
The young nodded, eyes glued to his supposedly boyfriend.
"Great .. Now do you know who the boy next to me is ?"
He feared his voice may deceived him, but it didnt.
"Jinhwan .. Kim Jinhwan hyung .."
The old man laughed, running his fat fingers through the dark strands of hair.
"You're wrong. His name is Jay"
Jinhwan's .. Jay's ? eyes remained fixed on a spot behind Hanbin, never meeting the younger's imploring stare.
"And do you know who Jay is ?"
This was a trap.
"I .. My boyfriend"
Another laugh.
"Yes, maybe .. But that's only because I allowed him too. Jay is nothing, will never be nothing else than a killer under my spell". Hanbin shivered.
The past 8 months he spent with Jinhwan were a lie ?
"But you know, I think you have some potential", the man spoke up. With his free hand, the one not on Jinhwan's head, he called a man wearing a black suit who'd been until then standing in one of the corner of the room.
"Bring me Mr.Choi"
*
Hanbin's knees gave up. He almost fainted right there, right then. His white tee-shirt, as well as his face were covered with blood splashes, and so were Jinhwan's. Sole difference between them was that Jinhwan was holding a gun, and had shot a bullet into the said Mr.Choi's head without blinking.
His eyes finally locked with Hanbin's, and Hanbin read a million things in them. Love, caring, deception, fear. They screamed "I'm sorry", and he forgave him.
Hanbin will never forget those eyes, cold and fierce, nor the ones filled with warmth and dreams.
Standing up from the chair, he threw a dark hoodie to Jinhwan who was once again spacing out while looking at the screen of the TV .. Which was turned off.
"It's almost time" he said, sliding his gun in his belt and covering it up with his sweatshirt.
Jinhwan got up and smiled faintly, his own gun already stuck in its case. He put on the hoodie and closed the distance between him and Hanbin. They kissed gently once, twice .. They never knew when it would be the last. They lived in that constant doubt since the first time Jinhwan killed in front of Hanbin, since day one of Jinhwan's growing guilt for dragging his lover into his mess.
Hanbin knew the galaxy he saw in Jinhwan's eyes was gone, but he liked to think that he'll be able to put a new one in them, once he got them both out of this mess.
