The Flame

The Flame-Chapter 10

Chapter 10
Hometown

After work, I had myself massaged in a SPA near my unit. I wanted to relax. I wanted to keep the stress away from me.

I turned my phone into silent mode to avoid disturbance during my stress-relieving-session. After I got massaged, I decided to go to the restaurant and ate my dinner.

Ayoko pang umuwi sa unit ko pagkatapos kong kumain kaya napag-isipan kong magpahangin sa boulevard na hindi naman kalayuan sa unit ko.

When I arrived at the boulevard, I checked my phone.

85 messages, 50 missed calls.
Woah! All coming from Bry?! I never expected that.

Bry calling....

“Hello?” I answered his call, nervously.
“Thanks God you answered me.” yun lang ang sinabi niya at pinatay na ang tawag.
Anong nakain ng lalaking yon?

Dahil wala akong ibang magawa sa buhay, I started reading his messages.

“Nix? Hey, sorry na.”
“Patawarin mo na ako, please?”
“I didn't mean to offend you.”
“Galit ka pa ba? Sagutin mo naman ang mga tawag ko, please.”
“Nix naman... Patawarin mo na ako.”
“I'm getting worried here. Why are you not answering?”
“Are you just ignoring me or you're in trouble?”

Halos ganyan lang lahat ang mga texts niya. Pero iba ang mensaheng natanggap ko. Akala ko sa kanya lahat nagmula ang 85 messages, 84 lang pala. The 85th message was coming from my Dad.

“I heard what you did to Arianne. Come on, Cassandra stop being so irrational! I want to talk to you first thing in the morning!”

Nagsumbong pala talaga ang bruha. Di ko namalayang tumulo na ang mga luha ko. I feel so alone, left-behind and unloved. Pakiramdam  ko mas mahal na ni Daddy ang kabit niya at ang anak nito.

I feel that no matter how hard I try to make my dad reconcile with my mom, it won't work. Our family has been broken and the hole is just getting bigger as time pass by. Para na itong sirang balde. Kahit anong igib ko gamit ito, wala paring saysay dahil lahat ng tubig na inigib ko ay napupunta lang sa iba dahil sira na ang balde. Kahit anong kumpuni ko, sira parin ito.

I cried silently as I stayed above the seawall, facing the sea. The salty breeze coming from the sea feels so nostalgic.

“Siguro, sirena ako noon.” I whispered to myself. Natawa ako sa sarili ko. Kung ano-ano nalang ang iniisip para malimutan ang problema ko.

May tumikhim sa likuran ko kaya napalingon ako. Isang tangkay ng pulang rosas ang bumulaga sa'kin. Nang makita ko kung sino ang may-ari ng bulaklak, I looked away.

“Hey.. Nix.. Kausapin mo naman ako... Sorry na.” tumabi siya sa'kin at kinuha ang isang kamay ko. He put the flower on my palm.
Akmang papahirin ko na ang luha ko, naunahan niya na ako. He raised his other hand a bit, just enough to reach my face and wiped my tears away.

“Did I upset you this much? Seeing you cry right now makes me want to punch myself-”
“I didn't cry because of what you did,” I cut him off. “it's because if my Dad. He texted me about what I did to her favorite Arianne.” I immediately looked away as soon as I felt my tears forming in the sides of my eyes.

“Stop being so guilty. I was just stressed and all that's why I got mad immediately.” I said without looking at him.

He pulled me closer to him. Now my head is leaning on his broad chest, his firm arm sorrounded my shoulder and his other hand held my hand.  “Pwede ka nang umiyak.” he said and as if one cue, my tears fell.

Ngayon ko lang naranasan na umiiyak pero masaya. Just this once, I feel that someone is willing to hear all the pain that I kept in my heart for so long. I feel that finally, someone is willing to see me weak and accepts me after seeing how wreck I am. Iyong tipong kahit makita man niya ang kahinaan ko, tatanggapin niya parin ako. All my life I've been very pretentious but this time, with him, I don't have to pretend because even without me saying it, he can sense my fear, feel my loneliness and see the pain I tried to hide.

Few minutes after I cried my heart out, I freed myself from our position.
Curiously, I narrowed my eyes to him, “How'd you knew I was here?” tinaas ko pa ang kilay ko.

“GPS, babe.” he winked at me, “Do you wanna talk about it?” he asked seriously.
I already know what he meant with his 'it'.

“Nah, wag na. Pag-usapan nalang natin ang mga sarili natin.” I tried to make the mood light.

“Can I ask you a favor?”
“What is it?”
“Please do not cry on anybody else's shoulder. Please call me or come to me when you have a problem. Just let me be the only shoulder-to-lean-on you wanna have. I want to be the only one to make you smile after you cry. I want to be the only one to wipe your tears. Please.” he looked away after stating those words which made me smile.

Again, for the first time in my life, someone wants to be there for me when I am at my lowest. Someone wants to be there for me not only on happy days but also on times that I have to pour my tears.

“Okay, you'll be my only shoulder-to-lean-on.” I smiled at him as soon as he looked at me again.

“Come with me.” he said, hopefully. “Where?” I asked. “To my hometown. It's the De Los Santos' Annual Reunion. I wanna bring you there.” he smiled, “Please? Next week pa naman eh. Wednesday pa naman ngayon, sa Sunday tayo aalis tapos babalik tayo kung kelan mo gusto. Pwede ngang doon na lang tayo titira eh.”

I blushed at his last sentence. Mabuti nalang at madilim dahil kung hindi, paniguradong sobrang halata na kinilig ako.

“Hmm.. Okay. Gusto ko rin namang gumala.” that made him smile from ear to ear.

Kahit hindi pa ako sigurado, pakiramdam ko at nagugustuhan ko na siya at kapag palagi kaming magkakasama, mas lalalim pa itong nararamdaman ko. Ito iyong pakiramdam na nakakatakot at nakakabahala pero handa kang sumugal dahil alam mong dito ka liligaya. Katulad ng pagsugal sa lotto, kahit alam mong walang kasiguraduhan, susugal ka parin. At kahit na hindi ka mananalo bukas, susugal ka parin sa susunod na araw kasi alam mo na kapag nanalo ka, sobrang halaga nito at iba ang saya na maidudulot nito sa'yo.