(A/N: wow finally a chapter i can finish because it's basically just everybody being gay for jimin omg) (also im sorry for clowning yoonmin it's just fun to do ok)
Jimin was lying on the carpet, his short arms dangling the book he was reading in front of his face when it happened. All 6 of the members came tumbling in through the door, swearing and tripping over each other before they came to settle on his bed.
A beat of silence passed.
"What's wrong?" Jimin asked, curious to why they'd barged in all of a sudden. They knew that he'd wanted to finish this book for ages, and it must have been something important to get Yoongi to join in too.
Taehyung finally spoke up. "Jiminie, we were just wondering... which one of us would you date?"
Jimin thought for a second. "I'm not sure, Tae. I love you all equally..."
"But Jimiiiiinnn, we're soulmates and you know it. We've been best friends since high school and you said you wanted to stay with me forever. In conclusion you can't not pick me because I'll be very very very sad. Plus, remember that night we both got really drunk and we-"
"Taehyung!" Jimin's cheeks were furiously red, which only left the members imagining what on earth they had done that night.
"Jimin, you are the cutest little thing I've ever seen," Namjoon started, "you know we take the best selcas, we just look so good together. I will always let you into my studio because you are my talented baby, the brightest star in my sky, the reason I-"
"Namjoon, that's not fair!"
"Hey it's not my fault i know how to satisfy his praise kink!" By this point, Jimin's blush had overtaken his entire face and neck and he had slightly curled up into a ball to cover it up.
"Jimin-ah are you ok? We can stop if you want."
"Hell no, keep going!" came a muffled reply.
" I don't see why this argument is even necessary, we all know Jiminie hyung is head over heels in love with me. We've spent countless days in the practice room getting sweaty together. Our Japan trip was iconic. And you definitely weren't thinking about Taehyungie hyung that time we went home to Busan cuz you were screaming my na- ow tHAT HURTS JIN HYUNG STOP KICKING ME"
"Someone had to shut you up. Anyway Jimin-ah, you and i were meant to be. You're the only person who laughs at my jokes, which could either mean you're the only one who understands them, in which case you should be mine, or you have a massive crush on me," Seokjin winked, "in which case you should be mine. You know I give the best hugs, and anyway why would you choose any of them when you could have this?"
Yoongi wrinkled his nose in contempt. "Jin hyung, none of that matters when your ship is as iconic as ours. Jimin, you make me happy when no-one else can. You convince me to leave my bed on the weekends, and I hope you know i don't do that for just anyone. Also we both like the number three, and according to the people the author found when she googled 'reasons to ship yoonmin' that means we're dating."
"You make some good points there Yoongi hyung, but you're all wrong," declared Hoseok, "Jimin and I have what you would call true love. We've been roommates since forever. Our sunny personalities just harmonise, like a beautiful melody. Also he met me first, so I got to call dibs on his beautiful ass."
"Hey, you can't call dibs on a person! That only works with food!"
"I didn't say i called dibs on him, just his ass! That counts as food cause you can eat it!"
"OH MY GOD HOBI HYUNG" screeched jungkook.
"whAT?"
"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Jimin was tomato red, and had uncurled himself from his ball.
"I really should have told you this earlier, but I actually can't date any of you."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm actually dating someone else..."
"Who?"
Suddenly, Jimin's phone started to ring from its place on his nightstand. Every member wrestled to grab it, but when they finally decided who should hold it, they saw that the caller id read:
"Daddy❤️🤗🍫"
"JESUS CHRIST"
"What the fuck jimin"
"SHUT UP WE CAN FIND OUT WHO HIS BOYFRIEND IS"
Silence hushed over the boys as they answered the phone call.
A deep voice boomed through the tiny phone speakers. "......wassup chim chim?"
"Oh To-ny~~~~" Jimin swooned.
