Sinner

Yoongi

    I wake up foggy and hot. Something heavy pressed to my chest. Groaning silently, I glance down to see Jimin asleep on my chest.
     I notice we're in a hospital. Shit, what happened? My limbs are so heavy I can barely move. Jimin stirs by my movements and glances up, his eyes widening as they meet mine.
     He gasps. "You're awake!" His arms go around me, his beautiful eyes watering and filling with emotion.
My hand shakily moves to caress his face. "Why are you crying, Jiminie? What happened?" I don't remember a thing.
He sniffles. "Y-you overdosed on drugs, Yoongi. You almost died." He explains somberly.
My own eyes widen in shock. Damn. I open my mouth to apologize but he stops me by kissing me.
"Don't. This is all my fault, Yoongi-ah. I should have known something was happening in your life but I just ignored it. That's unforgivable. I understand if you never forgive me."
My arms go around him and squeeze. "It's alright, Jimin. I don't know why you even stayed with me. I've been a real jerk to you for the last few months."
      He bites his lip, frowning. "H-how long? How long have you been doing drugs?"
     I sigh long and slow. "Since before we moved back from America." I admit, ashamed.
     His tears spill over as he ponders my confession. "I can't believe I missed this. I'm a horrible boyfriend. I should've known!" He stresses.
     "You were focused on your schooling and, honestly, you aren't my keeper, Jimin. I'm older than you. You don't need to baby me." I sigh.
     "But I still should have looked deeper. I just let everything go and focused on my own hurt feelings. I shouldn't have done that."
     "Jimin...there's so much you don't know about me, that I don't even know about myself. I'm not a good person, really. You'd be smart to run."
      His grip tightens on me. "I'm never leaving, Yoongi. I love you so much. I'll die without you in my life."  
     "W-what about Hoseok?"
     "What about him? He's moving back in with Jin, I think. I don't want him, Yoongi. I just want and need you. Please don't throw me away even though I deserve it." He cries.
      "I'm not. I'm not, okay, baby? I love you, too. I'm just saying I'm more trouble than I'm worth, baby. You could do so much better. I'm just going to destroy your life."
      He shakes his head fiercely, refusing to listen. He's so damn stubborn. "Calm down." I glance around the room. "When can I go home?" I ask, trying to sit up.
      "You've been here for four days. Hopefully they'll let you leave tonight or tomorrow." He reaches for the call button and soon an nurse comes in.
      "Good evening, Mr. Min. I'm so glad to see you awake. Your vitals are good and strong. If you are feeling up to it then I can reset your discharge papers." She smiles kindly.
      Jimin beams as I nod.
     "I'll also like to give you a few brochures for rehabilitation centers. You should consider it." She says.
     Stiffening, I look at Jimin who pleads with his eyes. "O-okay, Thank you." I sigh.
     "I love you." He mumbles, kissing me.
     I return the kiss until she comes back with a stack of paperwork. Taking the brochures with me, Jimin helps me out to Jin's waiting car and they drive us home.
     Hoseok hugs me hard before I get out, his eyes filled with tears and regret. "It's okay. I forgive you, okay?" I whisper and he nods, falling back against his seat as Jimin hugs both of them before climbing out.
     Once home and alone, I take in the freshly cleaned apartment and think about the shot I've been doing to him, to us lately. I sit down on the couch and stare blankly at the wall.
     Jimin seems to cower into himself now that we're alone again. He doesn't speak and I feel like shit for making him scared to be home with me. I'm a piece of shit.
     He falls to his knees in front of me and wipes the tear that slips from my eye. "I'm going to be stronger for us, Yoongi. I promise. Im not scared of your darkness. Please open up and show me. Let me in." He begs quietly, crawling between my legs and holding me tight.
      Clearing my throat, I pull him up into my lap and kiss him with a desperation I haven't felt in too long. "We're both so fucked up."
      For a long time now I've lost sight of my love for this boy and just buried my emotions and feelings in the drugs.
     For the first time in months, I'm completely clear headed as I carry him to our bedroom and strip him slowly, taking care to be gentle and not rough.
     I take in the scars that mar his pale skin. Especially one on his wrist. "I did this?" I don't remember.
     Closing his eyes, tears running down his cheeks, he nods.
     "God, baby, why are you still here? I don't remember doing that."
      He smiles. "I'm g-glad. I'm glad it wasn't you and was just the drugs. I'm so glad I'm seeing the real you again after so long." He admits in a choked whisper.
     Hiding my own sadness, I kiss every imperfection caused my me and replace them with love. My love for him. I love him. I do. I forgot for a little while just how much he means to me.
      Groaning, I spread him legs and prepare him carefully, sliding inside his perfect body and basking in his natural glow. Moaning, he claws at my neck and screams my name. Music to my ears as I bring him to orgasm over and over, making up for all the pain I've been causing him.
     I have a long way to go. We both understand this. We have to work on our relationship and it's going to be hard but as long as we have each other as a pillar...I think maybe...maybe we can be okay.
     Maybe we can learn to be alright and move forward. I want everything with his boy. If I ever lost him...I'd lose myself as well. I'd die without him by my side.