FLAWLESS ILLUSION

F.I.: Chapter 3

3.Facing reality

Sometimes confessing helps. Embracing your imperfections  is hard but once you have lifted your baggage you are at peace with yourself. That was what I felt today. Relief  and freedom.

" Tell me the full story Michelle . And most importantly  with whom . I mean who was the guy dumb enough to sleep with you ? " Rachael  said attempting to lighten the mood.

I knew Rachael. She doesn't take cheating very well. Cheating is the thing that she hates the most in life. That was the reason why I was procrastinating  to tell her about this phase of my relationship .

" Listen Rachael. All relationships in life aren't as easy as they appear. You know I was crazy for Alex from day one . I have always liked him a lot . Hell during high school  I even helped  him to get with a girl he liked that time so that at some point he would notice my love. Therefore for the first six years of our relationship I was fiercely  loyal and was willing to go through the highest lengths for survival  of our relationship . But it all began during last year. I was constantly working day and night for making my career. We started hanging out less. Even when we would hang  out , there would be times where I would be on phone or not even properly dressed. There was a  lot of work stress. On top of  that I started  to became cynical. My trust in him , in our relationship began to waver . "

In between our conversation I stood up and went towards  the kitchen to take  out some beer from refrigerator.

"If you are bringing beer. Please get me one as well. I think today I need beer." Rachael shouted from the living room .

I took two beer bottles and came again in living room. Rachael had turn off the tv and was lying on the couch. She was in her deep thoughts. I knew it was really hard for her to digest. Hell it was difficult for me as well.

" So continue."  she said and now sat on  the couch in the Indian style crossing her legs . I sat on the floor taking support of the chair opposite the couch and handed her the beer.
Taking a large sip I let alcohol provide me  the strength to continue.

" So where was I?  Oh yes  surface of trust issues. Soon insecurity started dwelling in me. I started having an intuition that he was cheating on me. So one day when we were hanging at his place I kinda went through his phone where I discovered texts of him with a girl talking how last night had been great for them . I was hurt Rachael . Like really,  really hurt. Alex had been my first in everything .My  first kiss to my first sex. I had never imagined that there would come a time where our short couple fights turn into series of heated arguments and quarrels . So when Matt offered to have one time thing with him I agreed . I think I needed a break from all this. "

" Its really a lot to take in . I somehow feel like I undertsand you but honestly I don't. Maybe that's because I haven't been in such a relationship before. I totally despise cheating but  I know sometimes they are valid more like humane reasons behind such actions . But wait a sec, Matt ? Who is Matt? "

"Matt as in Matt Walpole. "

" Matt Walpole!! The guy our cousin Fiona had crush on since she was a child? The guy with devilishly good looks and a genius mind ? The guy with beauty with brains combo? "

"Yup the same guy. "

" How did you manage to score with him ? Was he drunk and you took advantage of him? "

" Stop being dramatic Rachael.  He contacted  me on  Facebook  one day . That day I had a really bad fight with Alex. On top of that his irresistible looks. I could not help it .  When you start getting attention of people you know are better than you in all terms you can't help it. "

"Then why were  you so  sad about Alex getting hitched to someone ? Why did you sabatoge his party ? "

I stood up and went to sit beside Rachael.  This part was even  more difficult to confess - the reason for your actions . Why you took them ? Sometimes you know that doing this isn't going to beneficiary. Neither to you nor anyone else. Yet you choose this. Because somewhere your body feels that doing this will bring satisfaction. Satisfaction is a weird thing which is sometimes is achieved from weird things in turn .

" That has what had left me confused today Rachael. Though I feel hurt it's different. It's like my body aching not my  heart. Alex's actions just bruised my ego. Nothing else. I don't know. Inspite of being with him for seven years all I feel today is like my ego was hurt harder than my heart. "

"That's maybe because you never loved him in first place Michelle. You were just in love with the idea of being in love with him .That was why you had guts to cheat on him . You were in relationship with him so you could convince yourself that you are with someone. Maybe to show your friends that like them you can be in a  relationship too. This relationship started during high school where a teenager mostly girls sometimes feel obligated to be in a relationship. I understand. "

" But what about me now ? Will I find  a guy right enough for me ? "

" Ofcourse  you will. Love isn't simple in real life where girl meets guy ,they like each other, start dating, have awesome sex ,then comes a little misunderstanding which is like really easy to clear and then Boom!  you are hearing wedding bells. Its a lot more complicated  than that. But remember complication is worth it." Saying those words she stood up and kept her beer bottle on the centre table  and went towards her bedroom.

Her words gave rise to a bunch of questions and  thoughts in my mind. Damn physiarcist!!!. Confusing and making our  decision change last minute all the time. Rachael is definitely well versed in her field.

Finishing my beer I stood up and went towards my bedroom. Sleep wasn't going to come to me tonight I knew that .

As I entered my room my phone ringed . It was  a text. 

Matt: Are you awake ?

Me: yeah .

Matt : Good. Can you swing by tomorrow that my place?

I started debating with myself. Oh God one more dilemma in life. God always gives us choices  in life yet I feel none of the choice are good enough . Every choice has it's own price to pay. Not one choice is an ideal one without any flaw.  And I am known for choosing  the wrong ones . Always. So let the tradition continue.

Me: okay. make sure to keep beer .I will need it.

Matt : Isn't my cum enough darling ?

That's Matt for you. I don't know where our just physical relationship is gonna go. But at least I am gonna enjoy it while it lasts. It's good be in a relationship without strings attached. For the world such relationships  don't seem  perfect but for me right now that's all I need . Just the fear is that I don't start falling for Matt.

--------------------------------------------------------

A.N.: phew! One more chp. Its not edited. I am really getting used to writing now. Tell me about your thoughts  on this chp. Did u feel it was real like it happens to many girls? Tell me if it was relatable. If you like the chp plz vote . They mean a lot to me.

Yours ,
genius247