So You Want To Make A Good Warriors OC

Brookstar

This OC belongs to -Shadowfreddy333-

Name: Brookstar

Name reason: He was born next to a brook.

Solid reasoning, especially since the naming is mostly consistent with his littermates as well.

Age: 50 moons

A little young for a leader, but not out of the question. Remember that Clan cats live longer than most feral cats because of their more civilized lifestyle and medicine cats.

Gender: Tom

Clan: IsleClan (My fanclan :3 )

That's a pretty and unique name for a Clan, good job! Also, it makes sense considering the environment the clan lives in (I'm assuming on an island or near a large body of water based on your description of Brookstar's birth).

Rank: Leader

Appearance: A massive hickory brown tom with stubby lighter brown legs and black paws. He has black spots and light brown stripes along with a black stripe down his back and tail. His tail is hickory brown with a black tip. His eyes are amber and a little clouded with worry. He has a deep scar on his nose and on his left shoulder.

The kind of hickory colour you describe is actually very rare in cats, and usually appears as pale brown or light ginger. The closest I could find to a "hickory brown cat" is Barrington Brown, a recessive gene that dilutes the browning genes to something more along the lines of fawn or caramel.

This colouration is only found in laboratory cats, so I would suggest either changing his coat to ginger or a dark brown, or incorporating the gene into his backstory.

Also, black spots are not common in cats that are not white, and even those cats are actually black with white colouration.

Other than that, I like your attention to detail with the eyes and the stripes. You don't have to make the appearance perfectly realistic, but it's always nice to do your research :)

Personality: He's brave, and he loves to adventure. He has most of his mother's kind personality and he loves to play with kits. He will lay down all of his lives for his clan to continue on, and will fight until he loses all of them for it too. He hates rogues and kittypets, and if given the correct circumstance will kill them on sight. He is also wise and gives many cats lessons in need of them.

A nice and balanced personality, if not a little bit contradictory. Why, if he's so sweet and caring, would he attack and kill kittypets and rogues? Make sure to specify this, even if you explain it in the backstory.

I do like the balance of strengths and weaknesses, as they make for a very interesting character.

Mother: Hickorystep

Genetic father: Raven (rogue)

Step-father?: Hawkcry

Brother 1: Creekstep

Brother 2: Deadheart

Sister 1: Bird

Sister 2: Sparrowflight

Very pretty names, I'm looking forward to how you explain them in the backstory. One question I have is about Bird's name: even if she changed her name later, why Bird?

Backround:

He was the first kit born of the four. He was born next to a small pond of water (Later to be known as CalmBrook).

Why was his mother giving birth by a pond? Make sure to explain this because even if a Clan mother begins to give birth outside of the Clan camp, she would quickly have other warriors and medicine cats aiding her.