I smile, and you smile, telling me that I light up the darkness.
I giggle, and you praise my laugh, telling me it is like the soft melodies of a violin.
I twirl around, and you laugh, telling me that my happiness radiates.
I dance to nothing but the sounds of nature, and you admire, telling me I have an old soul so pure, so true.
I hum as I color, I play with my stuffies, I make funny faces at the camera, and you eat it up, telling me you have never met someone so dazzling, someone who emits an aura of pure happiness, someone so carefree.
And it all makes me smile, and it is a smile you cannot praise or admire.
It is a smile you have never seen grace upon my face.
It is a smile that trembles.
It is a smile that lies.
I frown, and you do not know it, because it would not light up your darkness.
I cry, and you never notice, never notice how it rivals that to the haunting sounds of a lone piano.
I lay there, and you do not see it, telling me to feel better.
I rock back and forth to the sound of my tears, and you do not realize, because it would go against everything.
I go quiet for hours, I sit there doing nothing, I go numb of everything, and you are aware of none of it, because you only scratched the surface of who I really was.
I was your beacon of light, in a world so bleak.
I was your saving grace, in a world filled with pain.
I smiled, giggled, twirled, danced, colored, played, was silly, and you held me to a certain standard and did not even know it.
I wanted to be you beacon, your saving grace.
Pretending, acting, lying, and little by little I was destroying myself.
I wanted your false image of me to be the realist thing you knew.
On the inside though I am screaming.
Screaming for you to know it.
My smile lights up your darkness, because my frown makes it even rarer.
Screaming for you to notice.
My laugh can mimic soft melodies of a violin, because the haunting of my crying makes it more genuine.
Screaming for you to see.
My happiness is able to radiate, because it feels wonderful after sadness leeched on.
Screaming for you to realize.
I give off the presence of an old soul, because I have fought against the odds.
Screaming for you to looking deeper at my soul.
I can be dazzling, I can emit so much, I can be carefree, because I have faced the demons and been to hell and back.
I'm breaking.
I'm numb.
I'm drowning.
Drowning.
It gets harder to be your beacon.
It gets harder to be your saving grace.
I should have spoken up.
I should have.
I should.
I.
But you should known.
But you should have noticed.
But you should have seen.
But you should have realized.
But you should have dug deeper.
And I will miss the days I smiled with you.
And I will miss the days you made me laugh.
And I will miss the days I twirled around you.
And I will miss the days I danced from pure joy with you.
And I will miss the days that hold dear memories with you.
And I am truly sorry.
But death seemed like the only answer.
And I do not wish to die just yet.
So I must tell you goodbye.
Before I am forced to tell the world goodbye instead.
Do not think this will not sadden me.
But I came to the realization that I must take care myself.
A job I entrusted with you.
So I must say goodbye.
So goodbye.
