In the closet (MJ fanfiction) ON HOLD

Chapter 7 - Feelings

All week has been crappy. Ive been in my bed most of the time, of course Ive been to college. But part from that, my bed has been my bestfriend. Not Carrie, and not Michael. I havent talked much to either of them. Only Carrie when we have been on college. Michael have called me but I have been too tired to even pick up.

Friday night, and i am doing absolutely nothing. Tom has called me as well, texted me and he has been over a few times. I couldnt just ignore him, he is my boyfriend though.. Lately i havent really felt like he is. Maybe i am losing my feelings for him, or it will go away once I get to be with him a bit more. I sigh and close my eyes. There is a few knocks on my door. Cant I get some peace!
I get up from my bed and walk tiredly to my door and open. "Mike.." i almost whisper. I guess my voice is tired as well. I let him in. He looks at me. "How are you, you havent returned any of my calls" he says, worried. I close the door behind him and look at him. "I have just been shutting myself out from the world".
"Why, are you ok?" He asks. I nodd. "Yes I am ok, i think, I don't know, its just I feel i am not in love with Tom anymore, and maybe it just confuses me.. I don't really know" i mumble almost. I dont know what to tell him, because basically I have no idea what is wrong with me. He places his hand on my shoulders. I get shivers down my spine. This is odd. It has never happened before, maybe I am getting a fever or something.. "Im sorry, but you can't controll feelings you know, so you should do what feels right, and know that you can always talk to me" he says reasurring. I smile a bit and look directly into his eyes.. Ugh his beautiful brown eyes. I could just stare at them forever..

He waves his hand infront of my face. I must have fallen away from the real world. "Sorry, but ehm yeah, I should do something" I say, pretending I listened to him properly. "No, its probably just a fase, ill get over it and be a proper girlfriend to him again" i add quickly.
"As you say, just dont get yourself hurt or do something you dont want to".
"Of course not, but eh, I am really tired so ill go early to bed.." i say as a sign for him to leave. "Yeah of course Hales, take care" he smiles and give me a good hug. It feels so good. I close my eyes and enjoy it. Maybe a bit too much, I just want to hold him forever...
"Good bye then.." he says and lets go of me. I snap out, and let go as well. Embarrassing..

I am tired... my ass if I am tired. I aint anymore though. God I am so stupid. Is it possible I have gotten feelings for Mike? My friend with benefits? Why now? Why didn't I get them before. Or maybe I have had them I just didn't know about them. I look over at my phone to see what time it is. Only 10 and i basically threw him out. I am so stupid.

New day, new oppurtunities. I did fall asleep last night at least. Luckily for me, it is weekend, Saturday. I have to do something to get my minds on something other than Mike.. I pick up my phone and call Tom. A date with him would do it!
"Hey Tom" I say happy
"Hello beautiful"
I smile..
"I wondered if we could go out later, see a movie out or something?" I bite my bottom lip.
"Yes of course we can, you can pick a movie and just text me when I shall pick you up ok?"
"Sure I will do that"
"Good, love you, see you"
"Okay, love you too"
I hang up.
My stomach feels really strange again. It has actually done this past few days. I feel like throwing up. Fuck. I run to my bathroom and try to hold it in until i reach the toilet. Disgusting. I must have been eating something bad , probably....