He chose me? ;Kth {HIATUS}

Pt 38

My condition wasn't anything hard, it wasn't something like that I wanted money from the relationship. No, what I wanted was for when it had been just me and him, I wanted him to act his normal self. To not put on some act, and pretend to love me.

I wanted true and sincere expressions when he was around me as just us. I don't want him to put an act as if we are in public. So Bang PD nim had agreed on the terms and so did Taehyung.

It had made me feel slightly more at ease you could say. I wanted to be shown fake feelings but I was going to have to when we will have to act around the public.

It hurts my heart, I love him still but I am not in the right mind. I need to sort out what my meaning, my meaning in what I should do in life. I always think about what impact I wanted to make. I will make myself a better person first, before I can be in any 'real' relationship.

I need to find my priorities, and what I need to do. I get destructed easily and I knew that so I thought that what I did to Taehyung was going to help me. But it had only hurt my heart.

I know I did a bad thing, I regret it all the time, but I will do this for me and for him. I don't want him to have to deal with what I'm trying to deal with myself.

He had probably lost all feelings for me for what I had did, that is why I had made those terms. For his sake to not have to put on some mask to cover how he really feels for me. Which all I thought he felt was hate and anger. I would would be if I was in his position.

I would hate myself too, I already do. This proposition won't make it easy for me but I will do as I must. I will do this for his sake, I started this problem and now I have to drag him into something like this.

He doesn't want to see me, I must not. After the discussion we had they told me that it would be best if this proposition had started effectively meaning that starting now, we had to act like the couple everyone thinks we are.

It's hard to look at him, afraid that all I'll see in his eyes will be hate. But I dreaded it and looked at his beautiful face examining his features, the more I will look at him the more I will remember how much I love and care for him.

Everything I did would be for nothing, only to break hearts that would only result in a bad ending. I wish he did still love me, selfishly enough from me. I shouldn't be able to say such things but I do as I do miss him. I keep looking at him as he looks straight ahead.

I feel as he takes a grab of my hand. I look down at our now interlocked fingers. Knowing my heart is pounding every second faster every minute. I look at what he was looking at a group of poperazzi with there cameras flashing on the other side of the door.

I was preparing myself for what was going to happen next. My hand started sweating a bit in his. Or what I thought was mine he was afraid too. Nervous of what's to become of how long this will last. We walk out, lights flashing on us. This was the last thing I wanted lights after lights, a crowd of people with phones camera, blinding us by the light. Security guards had come to clear some space. Then we had been bombarded with the longing questions.