Sleeping With Calamity

Now

I'm not sure where I am but it isn't where I want to be. I look around before everything clicks, shit. FUCK LIFE has been previously sprayed across the crumbling brick of the old gas station. I look now at the paint and notice written in black marker in the E of life, someone wrote "It all just sucks, Cal W." I walk down the alley behind the building. Looking up, I thought I saw a flash of white hair turn the corner. Speeding up I tried to reach the sidewalk without being noticed, it couldn't be her. But it could be. No. Squinting in the darkness, wait. There she was, running away again. I don't know what to do, I haven't heard from her since she left. She stopped walking and I quickly pull my hood closer around my face, " Alright Stalker Boy I know you're there." I step forward a bit and start to take my hood off, "Blaise how did you know I'd be here?"

"I didn't. I just ended up here. I'm sorry."
"I guess we need to talk about everything."
"Look, I know what happened was bad but we can't let this ruin our lives."
"Ruin our lives. No. No, ruin my life. You, you're life is perfectly fine Blaise. You won't get caught, you won't have to go away. You can go back to your mom, I can't do that. If I run "home", it's back to a car. Blaise, you don't understand this. I'm sorry but, for now I can't be near you. Just, well just give it time."
Before I knew it she was gone and I was left in the dark. Her hate showing more, yet she still looked as lovely as before. My divine little disaster. I guess some angels really are from hell. Her white, halo hair, deep, black soul began to linger in my mind. I began to walk home, thinking about that now she might be gone again.

***

"Blaise are you okay?"

"Yes mom. Just didn't get much sleep."

"Sweetheart, we've talked about this."
"Yeah, yeah. I know. I promise I'll get sleep tonight."

She nods and gives me small smile. I know she wants to ask me something, just she isn't sure if it was safe. "Cal isn't going to be around for awhile. I saw her last night, said she had to go do family stuff. Same as last time I think."

"Oh okay. Is her cousin okay? This has happened a few times."
"Yeah, she said April mainly just needed a friend this time." The slid easily off my tongue. April was really a bad person, not someone to ever need a friend. With that, I got up and walked back to room, quickly glancing at the clock. 7:48. I grab my bag, throwing it over my shoulder. Walking out the backdoor I yell bye to mom, closing the door before she responds.

Richedale High; Home of the Fuck Ups and Weirdos. Isn't it great to be alive? Cal made this hell a little more heavenly when she was my divine, little angel. Now she's a manic, infernal bitch. Somehow I still love her, somehow her angry eyes still make me feel important. I guess I'll never truly know what clicked in her that night, as much as it hurts she will always be too much for me.

"Hey where's Cal? I saw both of you go in the woods together. My boy Blaise getting some I see."
I shook my head, "One, Hunter, I am not 'your boy'. Two, it is not your business if I'm 'getting some'. Now please, just fuck off."
"Come on dude. We've been best buds since like birth. Well until that one bitch came alo-"
I quickly slam him into the brick wall behind us, clenching my fist, "Don't. Ever. Call. Her. A. Bitch." My voice was a low growl. When I let him fall down, he put his hand to the back of his head and I noticed scarlet droplet of blood smeared on his hand. Whatever. Walking off I heard him yell, I just kept walking.

"Mr. Jones, if you wouldn't mind, can you please keep your eyes open."

"Yes, ma'am."

Mrs. Mcoulush glares at me from the front of the room. I mentally count in my head how many times this has happened this year, 94. Eventually, she goes back to teaching, looking over her shoulder every few minutes to make sure no one is drifting off again.

***

Most of the day went the same, trying to stay awake and waiting for it all to be over with. Sitting at Javva The Cup I look around hoping for Cal to be there. Sitting in our corner I can see everyone, yet almost no one can see me. I still feel safe, yet even more in danger. The familiar scent of coffee and baked goods filled the room. Laughter came from one side of the room and I thought I heard the crying in another. Slowly the noise died back down to the clicking of keyboards and the mumbled conversations. It's weird how many different people there are here, people who wouldn't take a second glance at me, or any of us.

I sighed and grabbed my phone, don't do it. I find her number and wait. Ring, ri- "You've reached Cal, the disaster herself, leave a message and I might answer back. Bye." I hang up before the beep, it was too much. I used to tell her she wasn't a disaster but now she is the tornado that swept through my heart, damaged too much to recover. The damage tore us apart before we knew it. Her precious smile ruined me. How does a broken girl break the already broken boy with a smile on her face?