I'm Sick, I'm Tired Of Staying In Control - RW

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

June 2017

Life hasn't been completely terrible since she split with Ricky. At first, it felt like the end of the world but then the world moves on and so do you. She put all her energy into her art and the various projects she was part of. She has met plenty of interesting people in that world but none have been a "suitor"...apart for the odd fling so that's why meeting David was so different.

She always thought bankers were boring people with no social life or compassion but when she met him she realised that is all an outrageous stereotype. He loved a laugh and always had ideas of silly little things they could do as a couple. He was ambitious...like Rick but this was different. Six months into the relationship they were engaged and eight months later married. They were married for four and a half years before he passed. That's when she felt the familiar sensation of her heart breaking once more.

Before all that they bought (mainly with his money) a two bedroomed flat in South Kensington. They made it look beautiful but also incredibly arty. The spare room is basically her art studio and if anyone ever stayed there would be a rush of packing everything up and sticking it in any storage they had. Usually their bedroom.

Now she doesn't have guests. Thankfully. The house is in a bit of a state. Her art is now all over the kitchen table and she eats her tea on the sofa on a tray. It is usually a ready meal if anything at all. The master bedroom door remains shut because she now lives in the spare room. A lot of David's stuff is still in the wardrobe in the main bedroom even after all this time. She can't bring herself to sort through the rest of it.

Of course, Cathy accepted the invitation to "David's 40th Do" but she was very reluctant. Maria has promised to stick with her all night and protect her from the awkward stories and predictable tears. She knows it is going to be awful especially because of the state she is in. Unhealthy. That's how her GP described it. She is unhealthy. What happened to the bustling, outgoing Catherine Gurney née Johnstone who enjoyed showing off her work and going out to the pub with her friends? Maybe a part of her died when he did.

Frustrated with the state of her latest art piece, she scrapes back the chair dumping her reading glasses on the table as she does so before walking to slump onto her sofa. Her eyes and entire being is exhausted, she's ready for bed, but it is too early. If she goes to sleep now she will be waking at four or five in the morning once again so she must hold out.

When she switches on the coverage of the Isle of Wight Festival her heart skips a beat. She forgot that he was doing the coverage. She knew of course from their Twitter account and they performed yesterday but she couldn't watch it. She would get too emotional.

She shouldn't have let him go.

That was one of the worst feelings she has ever felt when her and Ricky split up. For a while she thought that she would never be able to love anyone again. She was foolish to think that it would ever work.

A part of her wishes that she just stayed in Leeds with him then maybe they would still be together today. She would have been there to motivate him when Parva was dropped. She would have been there to celebrate with him when Kaiser Chiefs made big. She would have held his hand in front of the cameras on all those red carpets. She would have been singing proudly from the crowd at gigs. She would have been there as comfort when Nick left the band. Instead she watched it all from a distance.

She is so proud of him though. She told him that when they bumped into each other at a New Year's party in 2006. They danced together that night but both were resistant to let it go any further, however when midnight struck they shared a deep kiss which to this day makes both of their hearts ache. It could have worked. 'I am so proud of you.' She remembers saying to him after separating lips. She then left and he didn't utter a syllable he was so spellbound.