Carved by the Gods

The Forgiven

The voices still filled my head telling me that I would never be free. The Graeae had whispered to me that the only way to break this curse was to destroy myself. To break my heart. But it was already so broken, it felt as if there was nothing left there, the heaviness just stayed all of the time. The stone heart...my heart...it was all so confusing. There was the world already on my shoulders, being responsible for so many lives perishing at my own hand. My gaze. They'd whispered into my brain until I felt like I was going mad, they tried to make me angry to let the fullest extent of my power out so they could drain me to save themselves. Treacherous demons. When they'd failed, they grabbed Maya after filling her head with images of her father and mother. I could see them because they'd made me feel them. Her heartbreak. Her pain. Her struggles under the Mountain. How she'd sold out another servant to save her skin, her own guilt filled me, how her mother had defected and tried to take her with her. Murdered in front of her own eyes. A gem filled the wall by their door. Her love for Jasper, how much she wished she could run off to be with him, but her status as a mortal forbade it. He could only do so much for her, he guided her through the worst of it. The Graeae forced her over to me, when I turned my head down and forced my eyes down, they used magic for forced them open. Her screams filled the world, piercing all the way down to the Underworld. They forced me to feel her turning to stone. The warmth of it started in your stomach, then spread until it felt as if your skin was scorching itself, heating until it hardened, cracked, and eventually it felt like deep, unsettling nothingness. They were still conscious while they were stone, she was so scared. There wasn't a cure for this ailment. Not even one for me. Maya's fear penetrated into the far corners of my mind. It would stay there. I did this to my friend. But was it my fault? Yes. If I hadn't been so stupid to trust Lexa...to trust Finn. None of this would have happened to anyone. Bellamy wouldn't have lost his family if I hadn't begged for her help, because Luna wouldn't have been angered with Lexa. Would Maya be in the Mountain? I don't know. I screamed until my throat felt raw, letting the anger, the guilt, the hopelessness out into the air.

"Clarke?" Bellamy croaked. He lay on the hard ground, near the ashes of the Graeae, their last resort was me. And that hadn't happened so they crumbled into dirt. I tried to avoid his gaze, so I curled up into myself and began sobbing, knowing what I had done. She was so sweet, and didn't deserve what was happening to her. To be conscious, to feel the nothingness, it would drive anyone crazy like it was driving me. Knowing she could feel it, and I couldn't do anything for her.

"Maya...what did you do?" Clarke what did you do!?" He screamed. I continued sobbing, getting louder as it all happened. He was examining his friend.

"They made me do it they made me. I'm so sorry." I cried. I held myself tighter, making sure my head was still down. I could hear him grab his shield, the metal scraped loudly against the rock, his sword made a distinct scrape as he unsheathed it. He might actually do what the Mountain was asking of him. Taking my head and delivering it.

"How could you do this!?" He yelled. I kept my head down.

"I didn't want to. You have to know that."
"Can we...is there a way to..." He started. His words were constrained...probably holding back tears.

"They made me do it." I whispered.

"Can we get her back?" He asked quietly. I stole a look, he wasn't facing me, he was holding the arm of Maya's statue.

"I don't know." I responded. I tried to stand up, but my legs wouldn't let me. They felt like boulders holding me down. Everything was just so heavy...the pain in my chest just grew and grew until it pained me all over.

"I can't do this...I'm so sorry." I told him. I got up, wrapped my hair back up, and turned away from him. I couldn't risk his life too, maybe if I turned myself in to Mount Weather this would all end quickly. He could go and be free, while I atoned for what I had done.