Searching for Safety

Chapter 5

 I followed Izzy into the kitchen and leaned on the counter. She grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge and held it out to me. I looked at it blankly for a moment before taking it and trying to give a small smile. I felt numb, I didn't want to move or talk, or even think.

"I'm really sorry about what happened Elaina, do you need to talk?" She asked rubbing my arm. I shrugged and cleared my throat.

"There's not much to say..." I said staring at the floor. My voice was scratchy and I could feel my eyes watering again.

"What happened between you and Ryder?" She asked quietly. I shrugged and sighed shakily.

"I reluctantly answered a question..." I mumbled, my chest was hurting and I felt like was gonna start crying again.

"My dad punched him and he asked if he was always like that, if he acted like that towards me and I didn't answer. He kept telling me to answer him and he stopped the car and wouldn't drive until I did and I knew I shouldn't have told him." I said crying again. I let myself side down to the floor so I was sitting with my knees pulled up to my chest. Izzy touched my shoulder and I flinched, she stepped back and stayed quiet. I was just so confused and scared and upset, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't stop crying and I hated it. I sat there with my head on my knees crying for what felt like an hour. My eyes went dry again and I sat there rocking slightly, sniffling.

"Elaina, I doubt the kitchen floor is comfortable." Ryder said, I flinched. I hadn't heard him come in and his voice surprised me, it was still very flat and kind of forced. I didn't respond. He suddenly grabbed my arm and started to pull me up to my feet, making me flinch again.

"Come on, we'll go upstairs and you can lay down." He said not looking at me. I didn't want to go anywhere with him, I wanted to be alone and away from him.

"No. Let go." I said, my voice cracking. He slowed and his grip on my arm loosened, but he was still leading me to the steps. I pulled my arm away and glared at him through my teary eyes.

"I said no. I don't want to go upstairs I wanna be alone." I said, my voice was scratchy and hoarse. He turned slightly, still not facing me or looking at me.

"Please Elaina, just let me take you upstairs..." He said slowly. I could tell something was wrong now, but I didn't know what. He reached back for me and I just stared at his hand, waiting for him to at least look at me. His refusal to face me was making me angry on top of being upset.

"No. I'm not going anywhere with yo..." My voice faltered as he whipped his head around to look at me. His eyes were bloodshot and red, a deep red not brown anymore. He looked frustrated and glared at me.

"Just come upstairs damnit! You're not staying down here alone, I don't trust you! I'm trying to make sure that you're fucking safe!" He said harshly as he grabbed my wrist and started pulling me up the steps. I stumbled and tripped and he caught me before I fell, he picked me up slowly and started to carry me up the steps. I was fighting my tears again. He sighed and looked down, a tear sliding down his cheek.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry for being such a dick, I just, I want to make sure you're safe and you're not gonna try to copy your mom or run away... I'm not really used to caring about someone like this." He said, his voice cracking. He put me down once we reached the top of the stairs and I looked at him, my hand gently touching the bruise of his face.

"He never punched me. He mostly threw things or slapped me... I got bruises from him grabbing me too hard but, he never punched me." I said quietly, keeping my eyes on my hand.

"I know that's still bad, but he had enough control to not throw punches, and it really was only when he was drunk. He'd apologize non stop the next day." I added, I was practically whispering now. He gently took my hand and I looked up to meet his eyes as he pulled my hand away from his face.

"I'm sorry I was such an asshole about you not telling me in the car." He said quietly, his eyes were still a deep red and I was beginning to notice how strange that was.

"It's okay. I'm sorry he punched you." I said softly. He shrugged and tried to smile, but it was more than forced.

"What color are your eyes?" I asked, he looked at me confused for a second and shook his head, looking away from me.

"Brown, why?" He asked. I nodded.

"They look red right now." I said shrugging. He didn't say anything, but he rubbed his eyes and cleared his throat.

"Uh, I was gonna have you sleep in Izzy's room but Gale's still here.. We have a guest bedroom but.." he sighed and glanced at the door behind me, then shook his head and looked down the hall.

"You don't want me to be alone still." I said finishing his sentence, he nodded.

"Would you leave the door opened, not all the way obviously, but cracked open so me or Izzy could easily check in on you during the night?" He asked finally, he didn't sound happy with that idea though.

"What were you gonna suggest instead of that?" I said glancing behind me, he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I was gonna say you could stay in my room, but I mean I don't know if that's too weird and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable." He said rushed. I looked down the hall and back at the door behind me.

"You guys live together?" I asked. He chuckled and nodded.

"Yea, we grew up together and when our parents went missing we decided to just stay in her house together. To us it wasn't weird since we consider ourselves siblings." He said shrugging. I nodded and looked back at his door again.

"I can't sleep unless I know the door is locked... So I guess your room would be more ideal." I said slowly, he looked surprised.

"Oh, uh, okay. That wasn't the answer I expecting." He chuckled nervously as he opened the door. I stepped inside slowly and looked around the room. His walls were gray and the carpet was beige. There was one window on the wall directly across from his door, that was covered by a think blue curtain. There was a large bed in the middle of the right wall that had a blue, black, and gray bedspread on it. He had a small dark wooden night stand on either side of the bed, and a matching dresser with a mirror across from it.

"I'll try and find a mattress to put on the floor, you can sleep of the bed since you're the guest." He said turning back toward his door.

"What? But it's your bed." I said, he looked at his bed and back at me.

"I don't mind, I don't want to make you sleep on the floor, and I doubt you'd be okay with sharing the bed." He said shrugging. I looked at his bed, it was pretty big, definitely large enough that we both could fit. But I knew that wasn't the problem, it was if I'd feel comfortable with both of us on the same bed all night. I had nightmares a lot when I wasn't in my own bed and I knew that I'd move around a lot because of it. I sighed and shrugged.

"I don't want you to have to sleep on the floor, that's not fair to you." I said facing him again. He raised his eyebrow.

"So what do you suggest?" He asked slowly. I hesitated and looked at the bed again, a pillow could probably fit between us and that would make it so we wouldn't be touching on accident.

"Share the bed I guess. We can just put a pillow between us or something." I said. He was quiet for a minute and I looked at him, he was looking at me confused and slightly shocked. I looked at the floor for a second and cleared my throat.

"Okay. That works I guess." He said walking over to the bed.