Searching for Safety

Chapter 7

 I sat on the couch staring at the Tv but not really seeing it, clutching my mothers note to my chest. My cheeks were warm and damp from my tears and my lip was quivering. I'd read it so many times I could recite it from memory.

"Elaina, you haven't really eaten today, please come eat." Izzy said stepping in front of me. I looked up at her and sighed, wiping my eyes. I stood up and followed her into the kitchen, folding the note neatly and putting it in my pocket. I sat at the table across from Ryder and slowly started to eat, forcing myself to swallow each time. I was out of energy, numb again. I managed to eat half of what was on my plate before I had to stop. Ryder gave me a sympathetic look and put my plate in the fridge.

"I thought I was gonna be able to handle this better... I'm sorry." I said quietly. Izzy rubbed my back.

"You don't have to apologize, it's not easy losing a parent." She said pushing my hair out of my face.

"I feel bad that you two missed school because of me." I said looking at the table. Ryder sighed and rubbed my shoulder before starting the dishes.

"It wasn't because of you it was for you, it's different. We chose to stay home with you." He said softly. I nodded and sighed, I just wanted to be alone but I'd already been alone for long enough. I was just going to cry again, and I was getting tired of crying.

"Can I go take a shower?" I asked, still staring at the table. Ryder turned the water off and Izzy nodded.

"Sure, do want help getting everything set up?" She asked, I shrugged and got up.

"I'm gonna need to barrow some clothes." I said shyly. She got up and took my hand, leading me upstairs to her room. I stood quietly just inside her doorway, rubbing my arm as I watched her go through her mahogany dresser. Her room was painted a medium shade of gray, and her bedspread was deep red and warm brown, along with her matching curtains.

"Well I'm gonna assume you want something comfy to wear, but do you want something warm or do you like to sleep with a blanket?" She asked with a light chuckle. I smiled as best as I could and shrugged.

"It doesn't really matter to me, I usually sleep in shorts until it starts snowing, but I love sweatpants every so often to." I said forcing myself to chuckle. She nodded and handed me a black t-shirt and navy blue shorts.

"I hope they fit, I'm not sure what size you wear." She said as I walked over to the bathroom.

"Thank you, I honestly really appreciate it." I said as closed the door. I locked it before I turned and sighed, then I set my clothes on the counter around the sink and grabbed a clean towel out of the linen closet. I turned the water on and let it run over my wrist until it was warm enough for me to get in. I carefully undressed, making sure I didn't wrinkle my mother's note, and got in. I took my time with everything, in absolutely no rush to get out and no longer be alone. I let the hot water relax my muscles as my thoughts took over. There was so much that happened in so little time, so many things to think about. What had happened while I was at school that pushed my mother that far? Why was there blood on the counter when I found her but not today? Why hadn't she told me sooner that she wasn't my real mother? Who and where was my real father, and should I tell Ryder and Izzy about him? Then there were litter things that were picking at the back of my head. What changed that made Ryder like me? Why'd he so randomly decide to come in with me, like he knew something was wrong? What did he mean when he said he cared about me? Why did I want to know so badly?

I sighed and turned the water off, not being able to stand the mess that was my mind any longer. I got out and dried off quickly, then got dressed and stood in front of the mirror. I dried my hair with the towel and braided it so it was out of my face, then I brushed my teeth before finally unlocking the door and walking back out into the hall. I could hear Izzy and Ryder talking quietly at the bottom of the steps, I tiptoed over to the top, just out of eyesight and listened.