Felix and I

Chapter 11: A Look Into the Past

Samara
She sat on the bench waiting for Felix to show up, she never expected him to agree to see her after she kissed him in his house last time, she knew it was wrong but she didn't regret it, she had loved him ever since she saw him for the first time. She remembers every single detail about that day even if it was a long time ago.
She was completely depressed that day, she was only a kid and her mother just decided to move in her fiancé's huge house in Gothenburg, they used to live in Brighton with her father, her mother was Swedish but her father was English, he died when she was only 5.
Sam was 7 when they moved but she was already diagnosed with anxiety, the marks of scratches on her legs are a prove of that. The symptoms started when she first attended elementary school, the kids were always rude to her, they always laughed at her freckles and the lack of colour in her eyes, even though some of the kids didn't have colour in their eyes either. But she stopped caring that day.
She was in her mom's engagement party in a corner of the excessively decorated back yard. At that time Sam couldn't understand what her mother saw on that man, he had a "belly as huge as his house" she used to think. It wasn't until later on her life that she was conscious of her mother's interest in money.
She was hiding from her mother because she was tired of listening over and over "I told you you had to take care of that dress!" and "comb your hair, you have to look presentable".
How could her own mother not see that she was already lacking of self confidence?
Her belly was growling for food but she didn't want to stand up from that rock on the corner that was already making her bottom feel numb, she started to make a plan to sneak through all the people for some snacks without being seen by her mom when the little boy with the blond hair sat besides her, she didn't see him coming since she was lost in her thoughts.
"This rock isn't comfortable, why are you sitting here? there are a lot of chairs over there" he said with curious eyes and a sweet voice.
"I don't like the people on those chairs"
"Why?"
"Because they're mean"
"Hey! my momma is there and she's not mean" he defended
"My mother is there too and she's mean"
"Why do you call her mother? I call my momma, momma"
"I'm sure she'd slap me if I ever called her that?"
"Why?
"Why do you ask so many questions?"
"Because I'm curious" he replied with a bright smile that showed his teeth and also the ones that he was missing.
"Well, don't be" she said after staring a while at the way his eyes almost closed when he smiled "why are you even talking to me? don't you think I'm weird?"
"Yea, who the duck sits alone in a huge rock in a party?" He said and Sam scrunched her nose at him.
"Stop saying that, it's the only thing you've said since you came here and why are you even sitting here if you don't like it and you think I'm weird?"
"You don't want me to say anything!" he pouted "and I'm here because I don't get along with normal people and you have a cool accent"
"Don't you think my freckles are disgusting? and you have blue eyes, mine are black!"
"What are you talking about, freckles are cool! and your eyes and hair are black, they combine" he smiled and poked one of her freckles "boop!"
She laughed along with him until a large shadow interrupted their moment.
"There you are!" he mother's voice said startling both of them "I've been searching for you, we're about to take a family picture"
Sam cringed at the mention of "family" that man wasn't her family and he would never be.
Her mother grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her to stand up.
"Wait! what's your name?" the blue eyed boy said while she was being dragged by her mother.
"Sam-Samara"
"Cool! I'm Felix"
The memory of her first love was bitter sweet, she will always remember her 7th birthday when he grabbed her hand for the first time while she blew up the candles. On their graduation he kissed her cheek for the first time and on her 19th birthday he broke her heart for the first time when he brought Versa to her party, she had beautiful dirty blonde hair and she had caramel eyes, Sam even thought they were cousins until he told her they were dating and she felt her heart fall to the floor.
After that day she never saw him again until now.
At that time she thought he had forgotten about her, he was becoming successful on YouTube and she was happy for him but at the same time she blamed it on that damned site that he wasn't talking to her anymore. It never crossed her mind that the one who was bringing him away from her was his overly jealous girlfriend.
The anxiety came back and she started to dye her hair blonde, later she even started wearing contact lenses.
She wanted to erase all trace of what she once was.
She wanted to erase all memories of him running his hands through her hair and staring at her eyes while she spoke.
"The worst thing a man can ever do is take a woman's heart without any plans of loving her back" she used to believe. She always knew he never loved her back, she knew this for the way he always called her "best friend" but that didn't make it hurt any less.
Was he too foolish to not notice that she was in love with him all those years or she wasn't too obvious?
Her plans of never talking to him again shattered when he said to his subscribers he broke up with Versa, she was starting to get hope again, she even thought he could finally love her back after all those years but she waited for too long to talk to him. You can't blame her, she was scared of her heart being broken again by him or even worse, she was scared that he had already forgotten about her.
She waited for too damn long until the day he uploaded a video with the title "My girlfriend".
She was scared of talking to him again because she thought he'd broke her heart again but she didn't know he would do it anyways. Sam saw the video even though she knew it would break her apart.
He talked about meeting this girl online.
Marzia
He said she was the most beautiful girl and she was pretty indeed but Sam wasn't ready to admit it, she was too jealous and broke to do so.
Years later she decided to forget every feeling she had towards Felix and started dating Parker, he was also an old friend, not as old a Felix but she had known him for a long time.
It wasn't until now that she finally decided that all of her feelings toward Felix were finally gone, she was ready to see him again.
Little did she know.
The moment she saw him again all of her walls broke down, the moment she stared into his blue eyes again she knew she could never escape her love for him. He didn't have blond hair anymore, he had dirty blond hair like her.
They spent the whole night talking about their past, she even forgot it was supposed to be a double date, she felt as if Felix was her one and only date.
The day she went to his house crying she was decided to confess her feelings, she thought that maybe if she did that it would finally be over but her body wasn't following her mind and before she knew she threw herself at Felix and kissed him, he didn't push back but she knew it was because she was crying. However, the feeling wasn't there.
Now as she's sitting on this empty bench at a nearly empty park she gets a deja vu when the dirty blond man sits next to her without her noticing.
Before he started talking she started explaining herself, she talked about everything since the very beginning and he listened carefully.
"I wish you could forget about me" he said with worry in his eyes.
"I wish you could've loved me"
They remained silent for a moment and Sam placed her hand in his.
"I'm not going to bother you anymore" her voice cracked pronouncing this last words "but first, I'd like to ask something before I go away from your life"
Sam took Felix silence as a sign to keep talking.
"Why didn't you notice I loved you? did-did you ever felt the same?" She said looking away
"I guess there was a feeling I always tried to hide but it's long lo-" he was interrupted by Sam when she leaned to kiss him. He pushed her away immediately but she saw it coming this time, she didn't kiss him for love, she kissed him as her last goodbye.
"Goodbye, Felix" she said through her tears even though he wasn't looking at her anymore and anger was clear in his face.
She stood up and started walking but the image of Marzia and Parker stopped her in her tracks. She thought she had seen wrong but she clearly saw the Italian's face when Parker ran his finger through her cheek.
Had Marzia seen the kiss? Sam mentally patted herself in the back and a small grin creeped into her lips but she erased it when she turned to face Felix, he was pale and stood with wide eyes.
"Felix I-" she tried to say but he interrupted her raising his hand
"Don't" was the last words she ever heard from him.
And she stood there alone in the park watching as the blue eyed man walked away from her life forever.
*****
HEY GUYS!
This was a long chapter huh? Sorry for the intensity but I felt like this story needed to be told and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

And please imagine as if Sam and Feix are talking Swedish when theyre kids hah
As always thanks for reading and I'd like to make a huuuuuge shout out to Kuuinimei, she has been supporting this story since the very first chapter and I'm really thankful for that, you are awesome! :D
Thanks for your support guys ILY all ❤️
Stay awesome! *brofist* 👊