Family Bonds -STORY UNDER REVISION!

Regrets No More

The end of the last chapter of the original draft from 2010 is now a new chapter! I've been having fun looking back at my first draft and what I ended up posting on here, and reworking the two together to make new chapters for you all to enjoy!

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The stars shone softly, the pale glow filling the air and shining down on Caspian and Susan. The king and queen were laying in the long grass watching the star, their outfits still slightly damp from their splash war. Susan had taken hold of Caspian's hand, holding it loosely. 

In that moment, Susan couldn't stop the onset of emotions that filled her, shaking her to the core. She felt tears run down her cheeks, and she reached to brush them away only for for her to hear the grass shift, Caspian sitting up so he could look at her more clearly. 

"Are you alright?"

Susan shook her head but offered no words. It felt as if she were reliving every painful moment of her life in that single instance, all the hurt filling her when she should be feeling joy. The biggest thing that filled her was regret; all the things she did wrong, the things she misinterpreted or imagined, pooling into her thoughts. Why was this happening now?

The closest things she could compare the feeling to was that of an anxiety attack. Her breathing grew more labored, and the thoughts just kept pooling into her head. She barely felt Caspian pull her onto his lap and wipe her tears, and the words he said were lost to her. Was this a dream? The fear played through her mind and caused her heart to race. What if this was all in her head? What if she had not died but was in a hospital, and these emotions were her waking up? She had barely spent time with her siblings! This had all happened too fast...

"Susan." Caspian's voice held concern as it broke through, panic creeping into his tone. Susan knew that tone, felt it. "I'm going to help you stand up so you can breath easier, okay?"

Susan let herself be helped by Caspian, and he slowly walked with her back and forth as her breathing regulated and her mind cleared, feeling sharper and more focused. 

"I don't know that that was- I am so sorry." Susan apologized, though she knew she likely did not have to, nor was she expected to. One's emotions did sometimes get the best of them, after all, and this felt as if ti had had a purpose, a reason for bombarding her with bad in a moment of good.  

"It's okay," Caspian said softly. "I've seen a few people go through this when they arrive here. Yours was a bit delayed, so I had figured the time for it would pass."

Susan rubbed her eyes, trying to rid them of the last few tears. "Then what was that?"

"Your mind was trying to sort out everything from your life and place it in your new life here. People who have suffered much tend to have a harsher reaction than those who lived a full and happy life. Some arrive in tears, where others it takes a few minutes for it to happen, and then only a tear or two is shed."

"Did my siblings go through it?"

"I do not know." Caspian replied. "If they did, I did not witness it."

"Did you?" Susan's voice was quiet. 

Caspian nodded slightly. "Not to the level you did. All I remember of it is feeling regret over so many things, and then a peace as that feeling drifted off."

"My head felt as though it would explode." Susan said quietly, lacing her hand with Caspian's once more as if to ground herself. "Regret was all I could feel as well, but the thing is, now I do not remember what I was regretful of."

"I wanted to forget many of my regrets, so it was a relief to me when my drifted off."

"Oh?" Susan replied, feeling much better than she had moments ago. 

Caspian nodded his head, though there was a silver of a look Susan could not fully place. "Well, there was still one that I held onto, one that was just a fleeting hope back then. But now..."

Susan felt her heart race slightly as she saw the look in his eyes. "And that was?"

"That I never got to marry the woman I love."

"And... would you still like to marry her?"

Caspian lent towards her, until their faces were inches apart. "Someday, yes. With the blessing of her family, of course, as well as Aslan."

"Of course." Susan breathed, their faces still close together. 

Tentatively, Caspian kissed her. It was brief and chaste, shorter than when they had kissed all that time ago, but it made Susan grin, and warmth spread through her with a comfort she had missed filling her.

A cough broke them apart, Lucy looking on with an embarrassed and also confused smile. "I didn't mean to interrupt, but I figured you'd want to stop before Peter came back this w- Su, were you crying?"

"It's alright, Lucy." Susan broke apart from Caspian, realizing that it was very likely many people still assumed him a married man, her family included- as much as they still supported the happiness of the two of them. "The pain has passed, and I feel much more at ease now than I did a bit ago."

Lucy just looked at her sister for a moment, her gazing jumping to Caspian for a brief second before returning to her sister, and nodded. "I'm glad to hear it. When you have a few moments, I'd really love to talk with you. But not now," Lucy added quickly, "as I have some plans of my own."  

"I'm sure we will have plenty of time to catch up." Susan grinned at her younger sister, who seemed so at-ease here. It was a joy to see Lucy so happy. She pulled Lucy in for a hug, reminding herself that she could now see her siblings again, could talk with them and embrace them as such. When they broke apart, Susan and Lucy shared a smile. 

Lucy waved as she left, and Susan watched as Lucy practically skipped off.  They had all the time in the world now, her and her siblings, and her mind was at ease as she realized she really was here to stay. 

Her eyes went back to Caspian, who was watching her with a look full of love. Susan simply smiled at him and took his hand as the two sat back down, letting the night pass in a peaceful moment of idle chatter. She was thankful, oh so thankful, to know that she could be at peace, could feel so much again when for months she had been numb, the dull grays of England only dulling her senses. Here, she was alive.

Here, she was at peace.