Family Bonds -STORY UNDER REVISION!

No More Secrets

Susan sat quietly as Caspian explained. She had heard all of this before, from her sister and her cousin, yet it felt better to hear it from him. Something about it made it seem less cruel than she had imagined it be be as a young teen girl. When she had first heard of Caspian's marriage, it had crushed her. She had thought the man she had believed herself to love had turned on her, or had forgotten her in what felt like the blink of an eye. So she had decided to forget him. 

In fact, she could remember the day when she had decided to stop believing in Narnia and tell herself it was nothing but a game. It had started out as any other day...

She and her parents had gone to pick Lucy and Edmund up from her cousins, the Scrubbs, and had just pulled into the driveway when Lucy's excited chatter told her that they had had another adventure, and that they should discuss it. Susan had grinned, and followed her sister up to the room in which she had been staying.

"Susan! You won't believe it!" Lucy exclaimed as her sister helped her pack her things. "We went to Narnia! And guess what else? Caspian is still alive!"

"He is?" asked Susan feeling the blush go up her cheeks as she did every time she thought of Caspian. Was it a youthful crush, or something more she felt towards him? Perhaps she would never get the chance to sort out her emotions entirely, or perhaps she would someday.

"He is! And he's getting married!" Lucy exclaimed excitedly, happy for her friend. She had no idea what sort of feelings Susan still held for the dark-haired king, but she had figured her sister would see the logic behind it.

Susan was shocked, to say the least. She thought... but no. I was a silly idea to think he might have felt as she did. In fact, it was silly to think of that world at all. She already could not go back, and now learned that there was nothing left there but a reminder of a love that could have been and a heartache that would last. From that moment on, she swore never to think of Narnia as anything but a game. Of course she heard about it often, when Edmund received letters from Eustace. It had been in one of those letters she learned of the death of the man she realized she had truly loved, and how his wife had given him a son. But, it was a game...just a game...

She watched as Caspian seemed to try and emphasize to her as to why he needed to wed. It was something she as a queen knew, though back in England she had not thought of as often as she had when she herself was of marrying age in Narnia. He needed an heir, as it was expected his blood would be the bloodline of all great Narnia kings to come, much as it was expected of Susan in the Golden Age to try and find a husband, or her brother find himself a bride. She knew he was likely also lonely with her gone, and needed someone would could be a friend and understand his hurts, as he thought he could never see her again, much as she too had needed someone.

As he continued, he told her how his relationship with his wife had been little more than a sham, the two of them playing their roles well. He said he knew that his ex wife, Lilliandith, could tell he wasn't truly in love with her even when they had first wed, and he was very open about the fact that they actually separated when their son was only five, but kept up appearances as a couple to not have the Narnians wonder what had caused a separation, and to learn that the star-crossed relationship that the bards had made Susan and Caspian's relationship out to be was in fact the very thing preventing their king from moving on. No, it was best less knew so as to not have more ballads and poems composed about their fleeting romance. Only his most loyal advisers had known of the separation for that very fact, people who were also friends of her and her siblings. As he spoke of the day he and his wife had decided to separate, Susan saw Caspian get lost in his memory of that day. 

"You still love her deeply." Lilliandith had said as she walked up behind him.

He had been staring at the picture of Susan that was painted in a room of the castle, knowing that no painting could ever do her justice. "I do. And I know you do not wish to hear it, but I can't stop loving her and probably will not." He sighed, giving his queen a sad smile. "But, you already knew that... I really wish this would have worked for us. You are a dear friend, and perhaps we should have kept things that way. I am sorry for marrying you and causing you this sadness."