Sixth Day Of May

Prologue

Prologue

I guess the weather is as stormy as me. Narinig ko ang malakas na buhos ng ulan mula sa labas. I would gladly thank the heavens right now because the rain poured perfectly. Parang, kanina pa kinimkim ng ulap dahil ang taas ng sikat ng araw buong araw tapos napaka-init pa. Yung tipong sasakit yung ulo mo sa init at mapapa-mura kana lang talaga dahil sa lagkit ng pawis at hindi sapat ang hangin mula sa electric fan.

I'm comfortably lying on my bed and stared above the ceiling. I can't fudging sleep. Palagi naman. I always curse myself that my brain is active every time when I was about to freaking sleep. My brain explodes with a lot of thoughts kaya hindi ako makatulog agad.

Even though I changed my sleeping positions, it just won't work. It's useless. So, I've got no choice but to let myself drowned in a sea of thoughts. I forgot to bring my own salbabida because the longer the time na babad ako sa tubig, the deeper I dive under the sea.

My life's totally fucked up. Akala nila, porque maganda na at matalino na ako... swerte na ako sa buhay. No, I'm not. I'm just... trying to show everyone how perfectly fine I am.

I smiled and laugh like there's no tomorrow but on the inside, I feel like I'm dying. I'm tired to show how broken I am. It's worthless because people will give up trying to deal with my sadness eventhough they said they won't leave. Been there.

I changed my sleeping position to the right facing the rectangular window. I can see the rain splatters on the glass. The streetlight from the outside only illuminates my room on the inside.

I sighed and suddenly the familiar feeling slowly crept into my system.. again. Sadness. Well, hello there. Long time no feel. Fuck. When there's sadness, my brain automatically made me travel to reminisce my past that I didn't want to look back on.

Tears stung in the corner of my eyes and I fought the urge to cry. No don't you dare waste another tears, Megan. You dimwit.

Gladly, I stopped them before they dare to slide down on my face. Wala na akong nararamdaman. Parang pagod na ako at wala akong lakas.

I smiled. Gaga, Megan. Imbes na tutunganga ka jan, matulog kana. Ang laki na ng eyebags mo. Panu siya magsisi kung makita ka niya na miserable?

Damn! My inner self is right. I have to stop this insanity.

I tried to shrug my thoughts off but they don't want leave me yet as if they enjoyed swimming around.

Yan ang kinaiinisan ko eh. I can't control them. The forcer I want them to leave, the stronger they hold back. Parang paulit-ulit silang bumabalik kahit pilit ko man kalimutan.

And out of hundreds of thoughts, isa lang talaga ang nangunguna at pilit niya talaga akong panoorin ang panahong iyon.

Ang araw na hindi ko talaga maasahang mangyari iyon.

Who would have thought na akala ko hanggang tingin lang ako? Who would have thought na akala ko hanggang pangarap lang ako?

That day for me was indeed a beautiful happening that marked in my memory.

Ngunit...

Iyon rin ang araw na dapat pinigilan ko na ang sarili ko.

Ang araw na dapat ipinagsawalang-bahala ko na ang nararamdaman ko.

Wala eh. Nangyari na iyon. I just didn't expect that the ordinary day can change my life in a snap.

If only a time machine is invented this year, I would be the first one to volunteer and go back in time.

And the date that I am looking forward to go back... is the 6th day of May, 2017.