Catching Rainbows

13

Later that week I was sitting on the roof with a cup of coffee, getting a little high at midnight, as one does. I could see Hailie through the skylight, sitting in her big kid stroller and munching Pirate's Booty, which thankfully was gluten free because it was one of her favorite foods. 

We'd spent two hours at a smaller park with Chloe and her brother, which had gone pretty well. She was more reasonable now that we were on the gluten-free diet. It was amazing. The difference was definitely noticeable. She was waking less, fussing less, much less irritable and frustrated. I couldn't believe those things stemmed from flour. Of course it didn't take away the issues but lessened them for sure. 

I texted Chloe to call me if she was up, half hoping she wasn't because I was always a little afraid I was going to say something dumb when we talked.

But my phone rang and I answered with a ridiculously huge smile, glad she couldn't see me. "Hey," I said, because I have insane language skills.

"Good timing," she said. "I tried to sleep for like an hour and a half, and I give up. Whatever, sleep is for the weak, right."

"Right," I said through a yawn, glancing down. Hailie laughed at the sock puppets on TV and popped another cheese puff into her mouth. She had another hour to go before she would go back to bed and hopefully sleep until at least five. 

"Ugh, we have Joey's birthday party on Saturday," Chloe was saying, dread in her voice. "Only two kids have rsvp'd to say they'll come. Hopefully more than that will actually show up."

"Kids parties are fun," I said only slightly sarcastically. A bat flew over. The moon was half full, hanging sideways on the wall of the sky.

"It's going to be at the park, and should be pretty cool. They're renting two bouncy houses and a Velcro wall, where you put on the suit and throw yourself at the wall and stick there?"

"I've always wanted to try that," I said honestly. They looked fun. 

"You guys should come! Even for just an hour or whatever," she said, and I wondered if she'd been hinting and I was just missing it. 

I wished I could go by myself and spend the afternoon with her. The boyfriend would probably be there. "That sounds fun," I said, not committing to it because I wasn't going if he was.

She knew though. "Keith isn't supposed to be going, so hopefully he won't be there to ruin everyone's good time."

My interest in attending the event went up a few more notches. "That's good," I admitted. I wondered if it was too soon to ask why she was with him.

"He's still out with his idiot friends," she said. "So I have the kitchen to myself." 

I heard something clanking from her end. "Nice, what are you making?"

"Peanut butter dream bars, which I love, and his peanut allergy makes it that much more fun."

I laughed, but there was clearly nothing she liked about this guy. So why?

"I know you're wondering why I'm with him," she said.

"I am," I told her simply. No use lying. "Obviously you're trapped in that whole relationship somehow," I offered. 

She sighed. "I'm almost ready to tell you the whole story. But for what it's worth, I'm not with him in any other sense of the word. He's impotent, for one thing. Some testosterone imbalance thing, I don't know the details, nor do I want to. So he needs me to be his girlfriend because he can't get it up and therefore can't date anyone else."

I loved it. "That's awesome. Serves him right."

"I know."

I sipped my coffee, which was cold. Just as well; hopefully I would be going back to bed soon. "As for telling me the rest, I'm here for it when you're ready."

"Thanks, I appreciate you."

"Likewise," I said easily, meaning it on all the levels. 

I watched through the skylight as my aunt came into the living room, and prayed she wouldn't talk to or otherwise disturb Hailie, who was in the sock puppet zone. She went into the kitchen and reappeared with a mostly full glass of wine, stopping next to Hailie's stroller. 

"No, no, no," I said under my breath. "Keep walking."

She didn't, though, and next I heard Hailie's raised voice. 

Chloe was saying something but I couldn't hear, I was so focused on diffusing the situation about to go down in the living room. "I'm really sorry, I have to go deal with this," I told her as I climbed back through my window, hating that my aunt couldn't handle her own daughter and let me talk to this person with whom I was so enthralled.

Chloe knew the code. "Yikes, good luck, Luna. Sorry."

"Thanks, me too." So much truth in that.

 I made myself go down to the living room, where my cousin was melting out of her stroller, cheese puffs everywhere, the bowl upside down.

"I just asked her if this was the show she was watching yesterday," my aunt said, bewildered. She knew perfectly well that Hailie's had little sense of time, and yesterday was a confusing concept for her.

"She doesn't get that, just never mind, let her get back to her show," I tried, but she had to take it a step further in her inebriated state. 

"Yesterday is the day we had before this one--" she began.

"Oh my God," I said out loud, unable to stop myself.

"THERE'S TOO MUCH TALKING FOR MY BRAIN!" My cousin put her hands over her ears and began rocking back and forth.

I shooed my aunt away and she went, taking her glass of wine with her, and managed to get Hailie back into her stroller with a fresh bowl of cheese puffs. So much turmoil in such a tiny being. 

"It's not fair I have to have this life," she said matter-of-factly as I sat there on the couch, trying to calm my heart. "I just don't think it's terrible all the time but sometimes it just is. Why can't we have a family with no meltdowns or fusses or maybe just a few? Why can't I be a regular kid, Lulu?"

I swallowed, finding it difficult. "You are a regular kid, okay? You are the best kid. We'll get you feeling better, don't worry. There are lots of good parts in life too."

"Yeah, like cheese. Could I actually have some cheese right now? Maybe some of that Havarti cheese from Costco with the tiny holes in it that's creamy Havarti, cut into squares or do we have that silver frosting tip that cuts it into little circles? Could you make circles with it? Or squares is fine if you can't make circles."

And just like that, she was back. I received a text from Chloe then which was a picture of a quote from Tumblr: You have within you, right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.

I got up to get the cheese.