Catching Rainbows

12

When I got home I was sunburned, waterlogged, and foolishly happy. 

It was five and there were two cars in the parking lot, which basically constituted a rush. I went in and could hear Hailie whining under the checkout counter. 

"I'm just hungry now and I want Lulu to make me food and I want to go to our house and not be in this bookstore anymore." 

I could tell from her voice she needed to eat; low blood sugar made her feel even worse. Nathaniel sat angelically at a table doing his homework and waved.

My aunt was tight-lipped and embarrassed in front of the two older ladies browsing the Danielle Steele section together in their church hats. "Luna's here, so you can get your way now,"  said quietly, and kind of snidely. 

"Lulu!" Hailie shrieked at the top of her lungs, rushing out from her spot and knocking over the chair behind her. "Mommy won't feed us! She's too busy." 

The ladies turned to stare some more and my aunt concentrated on becoming invisible. When that didn't work she gave them a weak smile and turned back to me. "I need some help if you don't mind," she said honestly.

Hi to you to. "Sure, let's go eat," I said to the kids.

"Is today a pizza day because I REALLY want pizza for dinner! I eat it with my hands so I'll need to wash them first. And Nathaniel will have to wash his hands for to be clean from book germs because everyone touches the books and they could have picked their nose first or touched their butt when they were wiping and didn't wash their hands and then those germs just go around and get left on everything!"

"C'mon, let's go see," I said neutrally, because we were not having pizza but I couldn't tell her that in there. 

Nathaniel gathered his things and I picked up Hailie because it was easier that way. We let the door close behind us and I could almost hear my aunt's sigh of relief through it.

"How was your day, buddy?" I asked Nathaniel.

"It was fine," he said. He looked tired. We'd all been up a few times with Hailie the night before. Finally he had taken a sleeping bag and his pillow and slept in the bookstore. 

"Good. And I got something even better than pizza . . . taquitos!" I tried. They were corn and had no wheat in them, as opposed to the frozen pizza she was talking about. "Sound good, big brother?"

"Yes," he tried, because he knew how to play along. "They're the best."

Usually if you tried to play something up to Hailie, she balked and wanted it less. But she looked up to her brother a lot. We would see how it would turn out now.

"But in my head we are having pizza for dinner," she said firmly. "Pizza with cheese and I'll hold the crust but not eat it and the mice can have it for a treat."

I set her down as Nathaniel disappeared into his room so as to avoid the possible upcoming storm. "Remember we talked about not eating wheat and seeing if you're allergic to it?" It was really more of an intolerance but she understood an allergy better. "To see if it will help you feel better and not have so many fusses?" That was what we called her meltdowns. 

I could see her thinking about it and held my breath. She understood all of that just fine.

"But in my head we're having pizza," she reminded me, troubled. The frown on her face was like a little old man's. Poor struggling little soul, ugh. I'd do anything to help her feel better. 

"I know, but you might make a good decision to try eating these taquitos, which you also love, that have no wheat. And see if you feel better in a few days," I reminded her. 

She was on the fence, warring with her mind. "I don't like having so many fusses," she mused. "I want to try not having the pizza but I don't know if I can."

Her "bad brain", as she called it, stood in the way of many things she did. We knew it as anxiety, but a debilitating mental illness by any other name is still what it is.

"Well, go wash your hands and I'll make some and then we'll go from there," I said reasonably. "And don't forget we have good snacks that are gluten free that Joey's sister gave us," I added. I hadn't shown her everything, of course, but she had already tried some crackers and chips and liked both.

"Okay!" And off she went.

 My phone dinged as I was sliding the plate of frozen taquitos into the microwave. Chloe had sent the picture we'd taken after one of the water rides, both of us grinning and wet in the sun. I wanted to text back We are the perfect couple, because it was truth, but instead I sent three hearts. Pretty much the same thing.

Hailie returned. "Wow that smells good, is that those baquitos? I do think I like those. They're a food I eat with my hands, which is why I washed them," she explained, holding them up proudly and sat in her big stroller. "I'll eat here for now. I'll watch Jake and the Neverland Pirates please."

"Great," I said. She could eat wherever the hell she wanted if that made her happy. Some people forced the dinner-table issue, and I was just over here trying to do whatever was easiest.

"I just love the sound of our voices together, isn't it the most beautiful sound in the world?" she asked happily, taking her food. "Like when we sing. And do you think Animal should be called Monster? Because he's not really an animal. Could you put Jake on now? I waited already for a long time!"

"I'm literally doing it now," I pointed out. "See on TV?"

She took a bite. "These are good. I'll have them."

A small victory. I hit play on the cartoon. "Great," I said cheerfully. "I think you'll be happy you decided that."

Nathaniel stuck his head out, looking at me to see if the coast was clear. "C'mon," I told him. I opened the fridge and pointed to the rest of the enchiladas I'd made, which were his favorite. 

He nodded with a glance at his sister, who was now engrossed in the TV and on her second taquito. She would want him to be eating what she ate if she noticed, but hopefully she would space out for a bit because there was wheat in the enchilada sauce for some reason. 

My phone dinged again, this time revealing a picture we took trying to look serious and mean, but you can see the laughter in our eyes, the happiness of being together. 

For the frame around it she'd chosen rainbow hearts.