Catching Rainbows

33

The next day I called my cousin. 

I was at Chloe's, and I went out back to sit in one of the chaise lounges while I did it. Not that my conversation was going to be secret, I just get so self-conscious talking on the phone in front of other people I can't concentrate on what I'm saying.

She understood and went to make food, taking my heart with her. I put my bare feet up on the glass table and sighed hugely, staring resentfully at my phone. "Fuck," I said finally. "I hate this." 

Saying it out loud didn't seem to be changing the situation so I stabbed and swiped in annoyance at the screen until the call was going through. "Fuck," I said once more as it rang in my ear.

"Luna?" Jared answered hesitantly.

I sighed again, audibly. "Yep," I said thinly. 

"Are you -- is everything okay?" I could practically hear the wince in his timid voice as he braved speaking to me. 

I made myself speak. "Monica told me what happened," I said stiffly, the words almost one as I rushed to get them out. 

"She did," he said noncommittally. 

I picked at my cuticle, which was already bleeding. "She did, and I get that alcohol makes people stupid as hell, but just tell me how you thought for a second I would ever agree to you guys messing around, curiosity or otherwise?"

He was quiet. 

"Well?" I snapped, not in the mood for some introspective shit.

"Luna," he started, pausing again. "I wanted to believe her, okay? So much that I just . . . did."

I shook my head in frustration, though of course he couldn't see. "But why? You don't have a shortage of girls who like you. Shit, you'd only been broken up with that chick Amanda for like five days, so it's not like you were desperate for attention. So why?"

He half-laughed. "Oh my God, Luna, I've been in love with Monica since before you two even knew each other, okay? Is that what you need to know? There, now you do," he said hotly, and I could hear the tears in his voice. "Ninth grade. Science. We were lab partners, and I loved her then, and I still do, and it's just a continuously fucked thing, as you can imagine. Because apparently it's never gonna go away."

I tried to process that, a completely new idea that had never occurred to me. "I--oh," I said lamely. "I never knew."

"Yeah, well, I tried really hard not to show it, because obviously she didn't feel the same way. Just, for awhile I thought maybe . . . but she insisted she only liked girls, despite whatever vibes I got. So yeah, I put that shit as far away inside me as I could, because what else was I going to do? And then you guys met, and everything else happened." The words were thick and he covered the phone to blow his nose. 

"Oh," I echoed faintly. I thought of all the times the three of us had spent together, and how that must have sucked for him, and he never alluded to it in any way.

"Yeah." His voice was almost indignant now. 

"I didn't know," I told him, because that seemed important.

"I know you didn't," he answered, almost exasperatedly. "And I know I made a huge mistake, I never should have done that to you, and you'll seriously never get how much I regret it."

I figured that was true. "I'm sorry all that . . . happened," I said awkwardly. 

"Yeah," he repeated. At least he'd stopped crying. "Thanks. How'd you talk to her?"

I rolled my eyes. "She came up the ladder last night and confessed," I said dryly. "It was loads of fun."

"Drunk?"

"You have to ask?" It was not something she would do sober.

He groaned. "That must have been pretty shitty." 

"It was," I allowed. I wondered if she really had had feelings for him at one point. Or all along. Sexuality was a tricky thing.

"So are we, like, okay now or?"

I felt like we were. Being mad at someone you loved was exhausting, and his apology was heartfelt, of that I had no doubt. "Yeah, I guess."

"Cool," he said in obvious relief. "Is that why you called?"

"Partly. I need your help with this tech thing at Chloe's." I briefly explained to him what Testosterone Balls was doing to her with his little blackmail scheme.

"Oh, sure," he said easily when I was done. Jared had been hacking into whatever databases he felt like exploring for years, from the schools to the police department to the library once when he had thirty books that were three months overdue. "Like right now?"

"If you can, that'd be great."

"Yeah, give me an hour. I'm really glad you called, I've missed you a lot, Cuz."

Now I had my own lump in my throat. "Me too."

I gave him the address and went back inside, feeling like everything was coming together too well to be trusted. "He's coming over in an hour," I told Chloe in the kitchen, excitement starting to build inside me. Could it really be this easy?

Her eyes widened. She had a knife covered in peanut butter in her hand, which she put on the plate of sandwiches. "Do you think he can really find it without Keith knowing?"

I slid my arms around her waist, drawing her close. "He definitely can. Are you ready to be free?"

"I'm ready to be with you," she said with feeling, her eyes sparking as her hands went behind my neck and into my hair. "Which is the same thing."

"Ditto," I told her before she kissed me, and the butterflies simmering inside took off suddenly in a rush of fairy dust and sparks. 

She pulled back a little, the corner of her mouth rising. "You said we have an hour?"

We went back to bed.