The Crush

The Crush (part 6) - Love On The Brain

I sat in my bedroom with my head phones on – SZA in my ear - in front of my computer screen staring at a blank screen. All day and night that kiss had been on instant replay in my head. Edward had called a few times, but I'd let him know I had work to do and needed the night to myself tonight. He still had his own place and I had mine. We'd talked about moving in together - since we were always alternating staying at the others place - but hadn't made any definite plans. Of course, it was me dragging my feet on that front as well. I don't think I've made it clear but I really do have deep feelings for Edward. He is the sweetest man I have ever known. And he is sexy as all get out. Michael coming back into the picture after all this time just had me a complete mess. I had to be realistic about the situation. I couldn't just let a half year relationship go on the off chance that the guy I had a thing for in high school might turn out to be the better dude. I felt so wishy-washy and childish for even getting caught up like this.

I picked up my cell and stared at the screen. There was a picture of Edward and I at a concert we had gone to a few months back. He was always getting free swag from artists as he was our music editor for the magazine. Eddie understands all my quirks and goofiness. He is nowhere near the nerd I am, but I let him have a pass on that. He was smart as hell. I could sit and talk to him for hours about any and everything. That was not easy to come by in a man. At least not in my experience.

I typed in my lock code on my phone and pulled up the number I had saved in my phone under Mike O. I pressed it and put it on speaker phone.

"Hello," he answered on the fourth ring.

"Hi," I said. "I'm calling."

"I'm glad," he said. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to get you out of my head," I said, honestly. I bit my lip thinking about that kiss again; and the hardness I'd felt between us. My mind was still blown by that whole episode. He had me weak and open. Had a chick ready to risk it all. It was ridiculous.

"Now why would you want to do that? You go me in the same boat we may as well stay afloat together," he said, in his charming way. The man had mad skills on the mike. Poetry seemed to drip from his lips like carbon dioxide. I felt like a kid again sneaking to talk to my boyfriend I wasn't supposed to have. My Grandmother definitely would have called me fast for the thoughts I had about this man. All I could think about was the taste of his sweet soft lips pressed to mine. And, of course, that mandingo stick between his legs finding it's way between mine.

My line beeped and I saw Eddie calling. I ignored his call. I shook my head. First, I denied him coming over and now I was ignoring his phone calls. I was a bad girlfriend. And for Mike I was ready to be a bad girl, period.

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"I'm here," I said. I wanted to ask him about a girlfriend or wife, but I was in no position to answer that question myself so I stayed away from it.

"So when can we meet up? I want to get to know you outside of a class room setting or your little coffee shop."

I laughed. He had jokes.

"I'm still trying to work that out. With work and everything...my time is complicated." I hoped I wasn't being too vague and making him feel like I was a tease because that is exactly what I felt like. If I didn't have Eddie to think about this already would have been a wrap with Michael, but I was trying to have some chill about myself.

"You know, I feel like you are trying to curve me and I don't know why." He chuckled. "Seemed like you were happy to run into me the other day."

"I was," I said. "I am. I'm just overthinking this, I think. I'm not used to being pursued like this."

"I don't believe that for a second," he said, in a full out laugh this time. "I'm surprised you're not already boo'd up."

"Do you mind if we just talk for a few days? Work on trying to get to know each other a little better." I was stalling. I was trying to give myself time to do what I needed to do. I had to let Edward go. I couldn't string both of these men along. And it was only a matter of time before they found out about each other.

"Whatever you want, Nia," he said. "I'm just trying to shoot my shot. I always felt like you were the one that got away. I don't want to let this chance go by again without knowing I did everything I could to let you know I'm feeling you."