Healing Heart

Routine

Reader

"Connor," I sighed his name.

He looked over at my face that was flushed from my booze injections.

We were back at Jimmy's Bar, third time in a row already. It's almost as if it became a daily routine with Connor. We sat in a booth today, forcing ourselves to face each other.

Every night, I needed a place to run away from my past. Drinking was the closest thing I've had that preoccupied my thoughts and made me knock out on nights when my nightmares haunted me.

"Is there something you would like to say?" he cocked his head to the side innocently.

He looked too pure to be accompanying someone like me. Someone who was miserable like me. Someone who doesn't have anything to offer to the world like me.

Then there was Connor.

I looked up at him, he smiled as he patiently waited for me to respond.

He didn't let me die.

Why? I'm nothing to this world anymore...

"You know..." I paused and looked at my reflection on the beer that filled my glass, instead of my usual whiskey. I was so... hideous.

"I used to be so happy. But I don't think I've felt genuinely happy for months now... I miss that feeling," I paused. I clenched my hands around my glass of poison. "I'm so alone, I..." I trailed off.

He observed carefully at me and for his turn to speak, allowing me to continue.

"I've lost so much of my will to live..." I fought back the tears daring to spill. I gritted my teeth, "but earlier when my feet were no longer on the ground, I felt... so scared. I wanted to believe that there's more to my life than this. I didn't want it to end like that."

A single drop spilled and crawled down my cheeks. "I wanted to believe there was a miracle."

"I wasn't going to let you die, (Y/N)," Connor stated. "Although it was going against my instructions, I-"

He hesitated, his LED blinked yellow as his eyes twitched. "I couldn't let you die. It wasn't something I was willing to sacrifice for my mission."

My lips trembled listening to Connor's confession.

He went against his own instruction to save you.

I shook my head and screamed, "bartender! Three shots of vodka for the table." I shot him a look, "I can't do beer. It makes me depressed. I need something stronger."

The bartender set down three shots on the table and left us for Connor to lecture me.

"(Y/N), I'm sure you have your reasons to drink but I can propose you another coping mechanism," he chirped, and tangled his fingers together on the table.

The lighting in the bar was perfectly illuminating his chestnut colored marbles. His hair slicked back perfectly as well.

"And what's that?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Perhaps you could try talking about it out loud, preferably with me. After all, I am an android. I will not be able to judge you if that's what you are afraid of."

I scoffed. My answer to that was chugging the three shots, back to back.

That made Connor gasp, he stood up and took the seat next to me in the booth, "that was very irrational. All you had to say was no."

I laughed, "yeah, but I wanted a reaction out of you."

My head was spinning, my cheeks were burning up. But... I felt better.

I grabbed his shoulders, clutching onto his jacket that was a constant reminder that he was an android. "Connor!" I yelled.

"Yes?" he responded and grabbed onto my arms to keep me steady.

"I want to sincerely-," my head nodded, but he caught me before my head met the table. "-Thank! You... for saving me today. What do you want from me? An apology? A stop to me being such an asshole? What is it?" I chuckled.

"I wish to take you home, is that alright?"

I closed my eyes and nodded, "wish granted!"

He stood up and placed money on the table.

"Wow!" I exclaimed. "Buying me drinks, you're just such a gentlema-wha!!"

He lifted me up into his arms, I wrapped my arms around his neck for support.

"Such a gentleman," I finished my words with a slur.

He kicked the door lightly open, his hands occupied. I looked up at him, the rain kissed his cheeks that were decorated with freckles and beauty marks. The soft features instead of sharp and masculine looked so good on his face.

I reached my hand up slowly to his face, trying to pinch his cheeks, "you look..." I trailed off. I scrunched my eyebrows as I focused on his face.

His face was hard, but the flesh that rested on top of his robotic face was so smooth against my own skin.

"... kind of cute..."

He smiled, "thank you. I was designed to appear more approachable than intimidating."

He walked me to my car, I watched his gentle face as he did so.

When he arrived to my car, he walked to the passengers side, opened the door and sat me down.

"Hey, I gotta drive..." I said weakly as he reclined my seat back.

"Not a chance," he fastened my seatbelt and shut the door.

"Hey!" I yelled.

He jumped in the front seat, and fastened his seatbelt.

"Can you even drive stick?" I asked.

"No, but I can learn," he closed his eyes and his LED was circling yellow. This just stayed for 5 minutes.

"Now I can drive manual," he smiled.

"You did that all just by closing your eyes?"

"Correct."

I blurted out a laugh, "so can you just close your eyes and learn how to have sex too?"

"Yes, I can," he said and his LED circled yellow. He smiled, "now I know how to have sex."

I laughed hysterically, "who are you even going to be able to practice that with?"

"Well," his LED blinked yellow for a split second. "It seems this activity involves a male and female, sometimes same-sex. It appears we qualify for this activity, so we can try together when we arrive at your house."

"Connor, what the fuck?!" I cried out.

"I will take that suggestion as a no, maybe some other time?" he asked.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Connor!"

-

Wow!! 1k reads already, thank you guys so much for the support! I think we're half way through the story. :) thanks so much for reading!

Side note
If you are going through any sorts of depression that is life threatening like the main character (reader, you) are, please remember you are never alone. There is somebody you can always talk to. I'm no professional, but if you really feel as if you have no one to talk to or have, please feel free to PM me or contact 1-800-273-8255. This is the contact for National Suicide Prevention. Your life matters to all of us.