I stood on the scale and winced. I'd gained another 1lb. Shrugging my shoulders, I stepped off the scale and went over to the bathroom mirror. I stared at the reflection in front of me. My hair, once always an ever changing colour from pink, to blue, to purple, to silver, was now honey blonde. My once pale skin was tanned and glowing, there was a softness to my edges, the once protruding ribs and collar bones were a bit more covered and out of nowhere I suddenly had these incredible boobs. I stared at them in wonderment, I was a DD cup now. Me! A DD!
Finally my eyes rested onto my stomach, my neat and perfectly formed bump was now finally starting to show at 16 weeks pregnant. I still couldn't believe it. 9 weeks ago I'd been sat on a hospital bed, fearing I was about to be given bad news, only to be told I was pregnant. Of course the shock had nearly floored Rem, who went whiter than a sheet and had to sit on the floor with his head between his knees. I had secretly had an inkling that I was but not ready to face reality, I'd been burying my head in the sand.
I recalled us driving home from the hospital in stony silence, neither knowing what to say. The trauma of the day was still fresh in our minds and now this on top was an overwhelming amount to process. Rem had finally confided his worries late that night as we sat outside on the patio, the light from the fire pit illuminating our faces. He was scared of not being ready, of being away so much, of being no good at it, of how it would affect our relationship. I had all those fears too. Plus added ones of carrying the baby and how I would cope with my changing body and giving birth and breastfeeding. We were both as scared as each other but we were in this together, as husband and wife, for better or worse.
Once we'd laid our fears out to rest, the excitement finally kicked in. We were going to be parents. I was growing another life inside me, a beating heart, an amalgamation of both of us, made from love, who would complete our family. The first ultrasound had made it all seem real. Seeing our baby for the first time had brought tears to my eyes and instantly I knew I would love him or her to the ends of the earth. I remember looking at Rem, a solitary tear rolling down his cheek. Right then and there we were both all in. Excited, scared, but knowing we would love and cherish our child forever.
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The morning sickness had abated and now in my second trimester I could finally feel "the glow" I'd read so much about. I snapped a bump selfie and whatsapped it to Rem, he was in Florida at Welcome to Rockville Festival. I'd had to stay behind due to work commitments as today I was shooting a campaign for Vans, my first paying job outside of Alt Press. It was a huge deal for me.
@Rem;
Finally starting to show bby!!!
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@Poptart;
Oh my god I can't!!
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I smiled, god I missed him so much. He'd only been gone 3 days but it felt like forever. We'd decided not to share news of our baby on social media, so for the past few weeks we'd been living in this little bubble of happiness where only our closest family and friends knew. Of course the further I got in my pregnancy, the harder it would be to hide but if Kylie Jenner could manage it, I figured I could to.
Noticing the time on my phone, I realised I needed to get a move on. I quickly showered and washed my hair, leaving it to dry naturally and applied minimal make up of a BB cream, some bronzer and highlighter, eyebrow powder, a lick of mascara and a nude lip gloss. I was all about the natural and ethereal at the moment, my pregnancy was definitely bringing out the earth mother in me.
I pulled on a stripy tee with my sleeveless biker jacket and my checkerboard Vans. It was easy to hide my bump at the moment but i was actually looking forward to embracing it once it grew bigger. I snapped a quick selfie and posted it to Instagram.
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.@ Poptart: Shooting something exciting today!! Can't wait to share it with you all. I hate keeping secrets! Remingtonleith Are you serious right now? Damn I miss being home! x x x x x
I smiled at Rem's comment, we were approaching our 2 year anniversary of when we first met and still a comment from him on instagram gave me butterflies. I was obsessed with him, his touch sent my heart fluttering and the sight of his his body made my stomach flip. Watching him on stage gave me chills and holding him close made me swoon. I was in all consuming love with him and it felt amazing. He was my vampire.
