Bad Blood

The Weight Of Living Pt 1

Chapter 1

The Weight of Living

All the things you've said and the things you've done

Can you carry it with no regrets?

Can you stand the person you've become?

{Bastille, The Weight of Living Pt 1}

Hermione loved shopping. It wasn't because she got to buy herself new clothes and stuff, she wasn't that kind of girl, it was the solitude of being alone that she liked. She liked shopping because it allowed her to become lost in her own thoughts and to do menial things at the same time. She could be all on her own in a crowd of people without feeling alone. Loneliness was after all not about being alone, but about feeling unloved. She didn't feel unloved, but sometimes she just felt like no one understood her but herself, so she liked to keep herself company. Her favourite was book shopping; muggle book shopping to be precise. She didn't need to have her nose buried in a magical book for it to be fascinating to her. She was raised a muggle after all, she could at least read about their endeavors. She liked knowing what was going on in that world.

Today however, Hermione was not shopping for her own pleasure. The new school year was about to begin and she was shopping for some much needed supplies. The day had gotten away from her and the sun was already dipping below the buildings in Diagon Alley. She shivered, pulling her cloak tighter around herself, not because she was cold but because Diagon Alley still gave her the chills. She kept seeing the darker, broken version of the Alley overrun with Death Eaters and Snatchers. She didn't enjoy coming here anymore; the magic was gone for her even though the Alley had been repaired. That's why she enjoyed her small, cozy apartment in muggle London. That's where she could breathe easily. The last few years in the magical world had been suffocating her. The hype and the devastation of the war had finally died down, but the years after the war were still burned into her mind. She couldn't even walk down the street without being bombarded with questions or overrun by eager witches and wizards wanting to meet one of the Golden Trio. Personally she thought everyone had just gone around the bend, she was just a normal witch. She never used the term 'Golden Trio' to describe her and her friends, it was a bit silly. They were just people.

Hermione pushed a strand of brown hair out of her face before entering Amanuensis Quills, the bell above the door announcing her presence. She remembered what it was like to walk into a shop a few years ago. Everyone would go silent for a minute to stare at her before rushing toward her. It was even worse for Harry, who couldn't leave his house for two days because of the admirers waiting for him outside. She smiled remembering how she had to plough through the crowd to bring him food. This time no one even batted an eyelash in her direction, which she was grateful for. She continued to gather the items on her list; she liked buying the first years in her charms class Self-Correcting quills, partly because it meant she wouldn't have to correct their spelling errors and because she wanted to make them feel more comfortable. She remembered how scared and nervous she was when she sat in her first class, she tried to hide it of course but Professor McGonagall saw right through her. She handed Hermione one of her quills and told her just to take notes and pay attention and she would be fine. Hermione wanted her students to feel what she had felt all those years ago; at home.

After she paid for the quills and shrunk them down to fit in her small shopping bag she continued to go from shop to shop picking up items on her list. She went to Madam Malkin's for some new teaching robes, Scribbulus Writing Instruments for some parchment and Wiseacre's Wizarding Equipment for the feathers her first years would be using. They blew up quite a few last year, so she got a little extra for this year. After she finished her list she sank tiredly into a chair at Rosa Lee Teabag, today had been more draining than she thought it would have been. She checked her watch, relieved to see she wasn't late.