Behind Closed Doors

2. Deserted

I fear too grand that one day, you'll see what I see,
And this illusion you've created,
This ideal mirage,
Will fade away and you'll be left disappointed by reality.
For I am not this tropical oasis.
I will not offer you crystal water and blooming seeds.
I will not cradle you when the sun leaves you burnt
Or the moon leaves you frozen.
So I'll admit
I am but coarse dry sand,
Not even golden enough to gleam or shimmer.
I am but thick dry air,
Not even icy enough to refresh your shrunken lungs.
I am but a selfish coward.

I fear too grand that one day, you'll find someone better,
And this carpet we've sewn,
This desperate excuse for love,
Will untangle and we'll be left even lonelier than before.
So I'll admit
She is but a wild jungle,
Bearing exotic fruits with the sweetest of juices,
And endless rivers with the clearest of flows.
She is but a free wind,
Helping you breathe and cooling your scarred skin,
Carrying you through snowy mountains and cloudy skies.
And I am but a selfish coward.

I fear too grand that one day, you'll wreck my soul,
And this wall I've built up
Will plummet and I'll be left naked and frail.
So I'll admit
This was but a confusing blur.
You saw in me a saviour,
I guess my moth-like wings mimicked those of an angel.
This was but a sad mistake,
Your hunger for praise made you deaf,
Your thirst for company made you blind
To a selfish coward like me.

So I'll admit
I am but a tired oasis,
With crumbling black leaves
And small muddy puddles.
But those who journeyed before you trampled on my generous earth,
Spit in my sparkling streams,
And dug in my priceless caves.
Not only did they rob me of my riches, but they took away my strength,
My honour
And my trust.
Only to leave behind a broken home.
Love isn't a cloud of heavy rain.
It cannot replace the empty holes they've left in the ground,
It cannot regrow the radiant berries or silk petals that once flourished long ago,
It cannot fix me.

So I'll admit
I am but a selfish coward,
But they made me that way.

You made me that way.