pandemonium and shattered glass hearts.

Chapter 10

10.

'don't you know, that misery loves company? Yeah I heard that misery is looking for me'

Jess's pov

There's people that just have a certain way with words, they can pull something beautiful off the top of their tongue. They can take something horrid, make it sound as though it's all okay.

Sadly, I am not one of those people. The words I try to turn into something beautiful, all end up twisted and messy.

Like a weed, sharp, thorny, and out of control.

The sun has only just risen, sending pale light scattering around the room. It makes little imagined things dance across the floor like their trying to impress.

They're beautiful, if you take the time to look.

They say beauty is only skin deep, but when you look past the cliched view of beautiful, you'll find that skin has nothing at all to do with beauty.

Usually I wouldn't even bother to look around me, a week ago I took it all for granted.

But there's always another angle, one dusted with magic.

Luce's angle.

There is paper scattered around me, a few pieces are ripped and scrunched out of anger.

After the teacup incident, I'm not sure how to communicate with Luce.

The way she writes everything down intrigues me, so I had the idea of trying to write her something.

But so far, all I've got is a bunch of unrelated words and several scribbled out hearts.

There are so many things I want to say, to turn into something that might just be what I need. So many phrases, apologies, so many words.

And yet all that my hand draws are hearts. Over and over.

I still don't know how to say it, I never thought i'd be someone having to say the words

'I think I love you' to a girl.

The words 'I love you' give me an idea, and the words start to flow.

It's not beautiful, it's not magic.

But maybe its enough.

I think I love her.

Luce's pov

I've lost count of all the people I've seen today, the amount of needles I've had stabbed into me.

So many doctors have seen my arms, and yet I'm too weak to pull them away.

That would take fight, and I have no fight left.

They all look at me with pity shining in their eyes, a falsely bright sort of smile.

By the time they decide I've had enough stuff to counteract the drugs, and I've been lectured by several therapists, it's early evening.

The stars are coming out again, and it just reminds me of what I failed to do.

I'm scared to go back to Jess, I don't want to face her.

There's so many questions I still need to ask myself, so many walls I can't quite let down.

What would my parents think?

Their perfect pink princess, starry eyed child with the world at her fingertips. Came out with

'hey guys I'm gay.' or even more shocking to them, 'hey I tried to kill myself and I hate life'

It'd destroy them to know the truth, they have to stay in the dark.

For their own benefit.

I guess I'm not quite ready to give up my 'perfect' image, not just yet.

A taxi brings me back to school, and I'm shaking with nerves.

It feels like every eye is on me, everyone is judging me.

It's a scary feeling.

I'm so used to being loved by everyone..

At least my room is empty, although I'm a bit sad that Jess isn't here.

There is an envelope on my pillow though..

My hands shake as I tear it open, the whole piece of paper trembles as I read what it says.

I've never read anything so beautiful.

I think I love her..