Chapter 19

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Another morning of throwing up. I don't understand. I'm not sick, and that little alcohol incident shouldn't make me sick today like it did. Maybe I ate something, which I know sounds weird, but that's got to be it.

After I stand on my weak legs, I assure myself that it won't happen again. I walk into the silence of the living room. The floor creaks a little as I stand still. A clock ticks from the kitchen, and birds sing outside. At least it's peaceful.

I go back into my room and dress into something for the day. I then go into the kitchen to start breakfast. I'm not even sure why I like to do it now. I guess it just makes me more responsible. I even told the boys I'd pull my weight around here. I guess it's just a part of doing so. As I stand there, I begin to think about the other night. Me and Ponyboy? Surely not.

Maybe it was a dream or something, but he didn't deny it. I know he got less wasted than I did so he's probably sure it happened. What will the others think if they ever figure out? I know for sure Darry wouldn't like it. The others I'm not so sure about.

I honestly don't regret what we did. I've always had this strange attraction to him anyway. Besides, I think when we say we love each other, it's more than a brotherly or sisterly way. I think we like each other a bit more than we let on. So it's okay if you love someone, right?

"Morning, Kaylee," Ponyboy's voice interrupts my thoughts.

"Morning. Boy, don't you look a mess?" I ask playfully, taking in his wild appearance.

"I couldn't sleep."

"So that explains why your hair is a wreck?"

"Yeah," he answers, beginning to smile at my comments. He sits at the table. "You're up early."

"Well, I couldn't go back to sleep."

"I just wake up early for some reason," he says.

"Hey, what's school like here?" I ask, pushing the eggs around in a pan.

"It's alright if you stay out of trouble. Socs still bug you, but when don't they?"

"True. We'll be in the eleventh grade, right?"

"Yeah. We're a little different because of our birthdays." I nod.

"Is there anybody I need to watch out for?" I ask.

"Just any kind of soc. Some don't mess with you. Others, well..." His words begin to trail off.

"I get you. You want some of this?" I ask, pointing to the eggs with my spoon.

"Yeah, sure."

"You know, I think being sixteen's gonna be fun. What do you think?"

"It'll be alright, I guess. Same as always."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Every year is the same. I'm just a year older. Nothing big or anything. Everyday is the same as before."

"That's a bummer."

"You're telling me." I look at Ponyboy and wonder how he can look so thoughtful and innocent. Everyone usually stereotypes the greasers as hard, mean, and tough. Ponyboy kinda reminds me of Johnny sometimes because they both look like little kids. Johnny, though, is the pet of the group, as Ponyboy's mentioned before. Ponyboy is almost no different, but sometimes I feel like he's ignored. Since I've been around, I feel like we've all gotten closer.

I sit across from Pony and push around my breakfast, occasionally biting off small pieces. I look up at him every so often, thinking up a million questions each glance. "Do you like me?" I ask suddenly. I feel the heat immediately rising to my cheeks, no doubt turning them bright red. I knew I should've learned to think before I open my big mouth.

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