It's complicated.||

screaming

I silently close my book and stand up. It was for sure the cutest and most riveting romance I've ever read.

I hope that some day I may find someone, that feels as much love towards me as Alicia did for Laurel.

I don't want to cry in school because of a book even if it ripped my heart out and blew it into smithereens, so I get my shit together and stand up.
I go to the blackboard to write our homework on it as my grim teacher strictly told me to.
Man, I hate to think people might stare at me.
At my back judging my look or the way I walk "Someone shoved a foot up her ass, she's so stiff omg, Karennn"  that's what their creative minds came up with.
"Hurry up, Mademoiselle Martins!" Mrs. Adams glances at me with a dead-serious stare.
"Sorry I was kinda busy getting the foot the lady's say I have up my butt, out of there.
We don't want it to rot up there, do we, Karen?"
They should've seen their faces. Priceless.
"You know, you should probably note yourself that I'm not as deaf as you think."

Mrs Adams quickly stands up from her chair and comes to me so she's directly in front of my face.
"Pay your classmates some respect and get your footless butt to the blackboard" *breaths heavily* "and just WRITE YOUR BLOODY HOMEWORK ON IT IT'S NOT THAT HARD"

"Just a quick reminder, you don't have to shout into my deaf aid either dear Mademoiselle Adams, it's an adjustment, so that I can hear you anyways"
I grab a piece of chalk and hurry smearing some pretty well thought through equations on the blackboard.
"HERE YOU CAN HAVE THE CHALK"
I scream at my teacher and put it in her hand aggressively.
"SCREAMING IS UNNECESSARY, YOU KNOW."

"Enough Taylor. Your getting detention, meet me after class so we'll discuss your inappropriate behavior."
"Hm, if I were you I'd start thinking of a more intense punishment because I'm about to walk out of this disgusting class RIGHT NOW."
I grab my bag and stomp to the door.
"Have fun with my flawless equations."
And with that, I leave the lesson I once loved most.

"Can we ignore that drama queen and just continue our lesson for once?" A ginger haired boy in the back of the classroom is visibly annoyed and rolls his eyes.

"She's become such a bitch!" this remark, of course, came from Leslie. The HBIC of our entire grade. it's followed by a hefty nodding of Karen's thin makeup with a little face in it.

"Please. Everybody just calm down. I will talk to her soon" Mrs Adams itches her head noticeably embarrassed and continues the lesson.

Meanwhile I already ate a bubblegum on my way to the school library which is my go-to place when I feel like this.

You maybe think "feel like this? Does she mean her acting-like a bitch-thing?"
It's complicated.

I see a boy with freckles and curly dark brown hair resting his head on a book, looking completely done with everything.
"Hey, you sleeping?"

"Yes." He hums silently.
"Ok so this seat probably isn't taken?"

He opens his eyes slowly, frowns and points at nearly every table in the library being completely empty with a look telling me to piss off.
"Oh, thank you for your offer, sir.
I appreciate your kindness and sympathy very much."
He rolls his eyes again and I giggle.
„Uh, you're reading Harry Potter! I'm Taylor Martins and... you aaaree?"

He closes his eyes and smacks his lips.
"Um, Jake Hopper."
"Pleasure."
I grin and Jake smiles drained.
"Boy, you must've had a real shit day"
"It's complicated."

"I bet so."
I look at his neck which is currently armed with 4-7 lilac hickeys. "Must've been a reeaaal tough night"

Sometime later, a girl enters the library coughing her soul out and I intentionally shout in an American accent: "Hey there, wanna join the sicko gang?"
She takes a breath and throws long green braids over her dark brown skin.
She ignores me completely and runs over to Jake.
"I searched for you EVERYWHERE why'd you leave?" She sits down in front of him and looks straight at him.
"Ah! You were the one giving him a rough night.." I wink importunate to be funny.

„Could you shut u- wait, wait... what are you talking about, foreign girl?"
The girl looked at me frustrated.
"Well those hickeys most certainly do not come from a vacuum cleaner." I laugh. Ouh.
That was a wrong move.
She looks at him, then at me and repeats that for what feels like forever.

Anger as great as billions of thunderstorms lights up in her eyes as she begins to scream like a fury pushing me to the ground with a power I didn't even imagine of her diminutive seeming body .

"You. Filthy whore. I hope his banana fit into your tata. And I hope he really gave it to you and made you swallow his cum" she starts crying "oh I hope he really fucked you and you didn't just vacuum his sweet neck"
She sobs and seems to have a total breakdown.
I put my arm around her, trying to calm her down. Jake jumps up and mouths at me: "what do I do?" He looks so helpless.
"Go" I whisper.
"But I can explain-"
I shake my head rapidly. She won't want to hear whatever went on between her seem-to-be boyfriend and the person who gave him several hickeys.
Jake puts both his hands against his head and runs outside.
He looks so shitty that I bet he's going to vomit any minute.

I look at the backpack the girl in my arms is wearing and see a pendant with the name Riley on it.
"Hey, Hey Riley. I swear on everything I own that I didn't fuck your boyfriend. I just met him in here and I should've stayed out of your matters."
"Somebody did. I know and I will find out who it was. I'll kill the person who seduced him"

What a strange girl. Wearing her own name on her backpack, plotting on killing boyfriend love affair...
She goes on babbling about how brutally she's going to murder everybody.

I stand up and look at her cold.
"Grow the fuck up. Plotting on killing your problem? You've got to be fucking mature and stop blubbering. Life goes on. Deal with it. Handle it. You cannot kill your fucking problems. You won't feel better. You'll just end up making everybody's fucking life fucking awful."

And with that I leave the girl with wide opened eyes, fully confused on a cold floor in a giant library.

Outside the door I found people I know way too well looking at me, like they've see a ghost.
Karen, Leslie and our beloved math teacher.
"GROWN UP PEOPLE DO NOT SPY ON CLASSMATES. YOU'VE GOT TO BE RESPECTFUL."
In all the frustration, I grab my deaf-aid and throw it on the floor.
Then I fully destroy it by stepping on it several times, leave the remains on the floor and leave the disgusting school building.
I'm tired of hearing.
I'm tired of listening.