When in France

13

Why?

Mamma said na tumutulong na pala si Laurent sa restaurant nila. Kaya pala lagi siya umaalis at late ng umuwi. Believe me when I say that his family owned a tons of michelin star restaurants all over the world. Ganoon sila kayaman pero mas pinipili ni Lauret na maging independent but why is he doing this now?

I thought he doesn't want to meddle in ther family business? Maybe it is all about his passion for cooking that's why he decided to help out?

I don't have any idea about what's going on with his life now since I've been away for how many years and to think that we lost our contacts to each other.

Nag-stay din ng ilang oras si Sallie dito pagka-alis ni Mamma bago umuwi sa kanila. I enjoyed my afternoon with her company.

Anong oras na pero wala pa si Laurent. Pasado 6 pm na rin. This is the first time na na-late siya ng uwi. Bago kasi mag-6 pm nakauwi na siya.
Hindi na ako mapakali dito sa living room at pabalik-balik ako ng lakad sa kaiisip.

Bigla akong napatigil sa paglakad dahil may naririnig akong nag-uusap sa labas t pinakinggan ko iyon ng mabuti.

They are speaking in a soft tone in french but I can hear it and understand it very well.

I'm sure it's Laurent and he is speaking with a...girl??

Para makasigurado, dahan-dahan kong binuksan yung pinto at sumilip sa labas and there they are!
Halos hindi ako makapaniwala sa nakikita ko ngayon. Mabilis silang magsalita kaya di ko na masundan at mukhang nagtatalo sila.

Who is she? Who is she to Laurent? Hindi ko siya kilala and I'm sure she's not one of his friends. Maganda siya at matangkad but while looking closely at her, I think she's quiet familiar to me. Hindi ko lang maalala kung saan ko siya nakita.

She looks like someone in that magazine that I've read.

Ah no!! She is that woman!! She's a model and I saw her in Vogue magazine!!

Ano namang meron sa kanilang dalawa? Don't tell me... no..no..no, hindi niya naman siguro magagawa iyon diba?

Not unless if he doesn't love me anymore...

"Regardez, je n'ai pas de temps pour vos bêtises ici! Alors s'il vous plaît, allez-vous l'arrêter?"
(Look, I don't have a time for your nonsense here! So please, will you stop it?)

"Pourquoi ne peux-tu pas comprendre mes sentiments pour toi?"
(Why can't you understand my feelings for you?)

"Vous savez que j'ai une femme--"
(You know that I have a wife--)

Parang gumuho yung mundo ko dahil sa susunod na nangyari... she kissed him and...... he kissed her back.

Dahil sa inis, padabod kong isinarado yung pinto just enough to startle them both at dumiretso sa kuwarto ko--I mean niya at ini-lock iyon. Hindi ko na magawang ma-control ang katawan ko at bumagsak ako sa sahig at napasandal sa kama.

I don't understand! Why did he do that? He kissed her back! A single push will do! But why?!!

May nangyari ba sa kanila kaya ganoon sila magtalo kanina? Of course, I wouldn't know that.
Kahit hindi pa malinaw sa akin ang lahat, mukhang dumating na ang kinatatakutan kong puwedeng mangyari...

The thought of him being with another woman...

Patuloy lang ako sa pag-iyak at pagsabunot sa sarili ko dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon. Maybe he got tired waiting for me and being with me that's why he went to find another woman.

What the fuck! Bloody fuck!

"Lacey, please open the door!"

"Va-t-en, Laurent !!"
(Go away, Laurent!!)

"It's not what you think!" Parang gusto ko siyang suntukin dahil sa sinabi niya.

"What do you want me to think about that?! You enjoyed it, you bastard!!" nahihirapan akong sumigaw dahil sa paghikbi ko. I've never cried this hard before. Halos parang kinakapos na ako sa hininga dahil sa iyak ko ngayon.

He just keep on banging the door until it hits my nerve and I opened it.

"Kahit isang beses sa buhay ko at kahit isang beses noong wala ako sa tabi mo at malayo ako sa iyo, hindi ko naisip na maghanap ng ibang lalake!! And like hell I would do that to you!!" Sigaw ko kahit namamaos na ako sa kaiiyak.

"So am I!! That woman?! She's obsess with me! Kaya siya ganon! You know I can't do that to you too!"

"And that kiss? Just admit it! You enjoyed that lips of hers or maybe her body if you already did 'that'! You are such a jerk, Laurent!!" Parang mas lalo siyang nainis dahil sa sinabi ko.

"Now, you're being like this? How about this, Lacey. Hindi mo pa nasagot ng maayos yung tanong ko noon." I can feel that we're both very furious about this.

"Bakit mo ako iniwan?"

Nawawalan na ako ng lakas na magsalita. The words are on the tip of my tongue again. Why can't I say it?

"Say it! Why?!!"

"Why?!! Because you said that you're still not ready to build a family and that you still want your freedom!" Dire-diretsong sabi ko at parang hindi siya makapaniwala sa sinabi ko. It hurts remembering that. Sobrang sakit...

"Where did you heard that? I don't remember saying such a... thing."

"From Tuck, that wanker knows everything about you huh? You and your stupid little secrets. It was long time ago so why would it matter now? You know what? I'm done." He tried to grab my hand but I avoid it. "I know you have a duplicate key to my apartment. I just remembered now na binigyan pala kita ng isa noon. Will you please give it to me? Madami pa akong gagawin."

Wala na akong maramdamang emosyon. It's like they were all taken away from me.

"No, I wouldn't give it to you." Matigas niyang sabi na mas lalong kong ikinainis.

"And Why not? Just give it to me, you damn bastard!"

"Because if I give it to you, you will just leave me all alone again and that means losing you all over and over again!"

"I just gave you your freedom before and I'll give it to you again so give me the goddamn key, Laurent."

"Matagal ko nang gustong tanungin ito.." he said in a pleading way.

"Do you still love me and do you still trust me, Lacey?" Natigilan ako sa tanong niya at tinitigan lang siya.

Why am I having a second thoughts?