five last letters

Loki

Loki.

It is weird. Now that I've come to write my last letter, the most important one, the one where I wanted to let my heart speak freely ... I seem to be unable to find the words.

It is rather simple.

I love you.

I loved you, I love you while writing this letter and I'll love you from the clouds above, waiting for you. Don't worry about your life and mine. Mine is over now and yours lies ahead. You can and you will have the most amazing lifetime, I'm sure of it. Because you made me see the best of everything.

Every person, every story and every corner of this dark, abandoning world. You made me love it. You made me love every single moment of my life - even when I was in pain. It was you who taught me, that every emotion is a gift. Even those we are told that are wrong and foul. So here I am now, not being ashamed but being grateful for the gift you gave me. The possibility to love someone and have this love returned  unconditional. Because you loved me and you made me feel that love, too.

We are living in a cruel world, that's what I always thought. Love is not allowed to be love and even if it is, they still judge us.

Isn't it strange? We're living in the 21st century. Everything is possible these days, everything can be made better by silicon, food is genetically influenced to taste better or just be bigger. But you know what our society still doesn't accept? Nerds, Freaks, and sensitive people. And people like us. Everyone who is different. They can say whatever they want, but you and I, we were judged for being us. Being who we are. They wanted us to feel small and unimportant and helpless. To feel ashamed for who we are. But I don't wanna give in, even now.

So here I am and I love you. And no, I am not going to feel ashamed for that. This is who I am. And I hope you will never feel ashamed, either. Cause you were stronger than me, anyways. You were the person who showed me the light of my life. You were the person that kissed me and smiled at me and asked me if I wanted to be yours. I laughed and kissed you back and we somehow landed in bed ... but  that's not what I want to tell you.

What I want to tell you, is that I'm sad I never gave you an answer to that question. We kinda forgot it, we were a couple anyhow. We loved each other. But you loved books just as well and when we were reading and I was feeding on science fiction and fantasy novels, you practically lived from the classic literature. You always said, we were like Romeo and Juliet, or Othello and Desdemona. Maybe we were, but all their stories ended tragically. Maybe that's why I never got to answer your question.

The answer is yes. I wanted to be yours and still want to. You're the love of my life and no matter what happens, I will always love you and never forget you. But don't you worry, you can live your life. You have to. Live on and live beautifully. Live for the two of us. Don't be sad, my angel. I'm leaving this world and enter the next one, there's nothing terrifying about it. And I'm not in pain anymore. I'm free.