Haunted archer

It won't matter at all

Today it was a little easier to smile.

Touji felt himself smile according to the cute girl's joke. He even thought that it was quite fun to be with her. But where was the spark, where was the feeling of freedom he should feel with somebody he liked? Someday, he even might love. Well, he felt none of that. The best he could describe the girls who 'tried' to date him, maybe fun enough to be his friend, but never nothing more.

But the second she tried to demand him anything else, it was too late. Touji couldn't even think about touching someone. It didn't matter anymore, who was the person who put his/her hand on his shoulder if he didn't get ready for the situation he would look like a wounded rabbit. Somehow the insecurity and fear of being left and fear of being cheated had manifested into an anxiety disorder, that mainly appeared while he was in close proximity with other people. Because of his wealthy background, he already had been to a couple of different doctors who lost their job as soon as they started to write prescriptions. Touji couldn't stand the thought of his emotions being less real, or literally false. He hated falsehood of any kind. Maybe because he was himself living in one and he couldn't stand any more of it.

So the girl would have to go. Touji had already known it, but somehow he was still hoping, against hope. As always he met the girl on Sunday at some couple's attraction or another. Touji didn't even bother to notice the places he said goodbye to the girls who obviously felt they were good enough for him. If he had been a bit more observant and not just disappointed that the girl couldn't make his eyes shine and his heartbeat even a bit faster, he maybe would have had seen the gleam of dark disappointment in her eyes. If that would have helped, no one knows. She just thanked Touji for dating her for a week, with a low bow and walked quietly away.

He just felt sad. Touji knew that the source of the problem was in him, and he decided that from the next week he wouldn't take anyone's proposition for dating. It was time to understand that these feelings he was looking for were not possible to find in someone else, but only in himself. It was actually hard to admit it. Shino had been bad and ruined his relationship with his brother and with the rest of the family, but he was a lot more to blame in this course of action than her. If he was totally honest with his own feelings, then part of liking Shino was always connected to his brother who hadn't had enough time to notice him and his family that was always away. Now they just had left him all alone as a punishment and there didn't seem an ending to this punishment.

Touji had been alone in that big house for three months already. His brother had finished things off with Shino and moved to help their parents with the business and when Touji had not responded to Shino's repeated blackmails even she had stopped calling and coming over. So sometimes Touji regretted himself not answering the phone, pushing her away, but he knew that it was the loneliness talking. Still, sometimes he thought that being with someone you hate and love at the same time was better than being alone. Then, later on, he would find his strength again to move on and he was glad that he had stopped the revenge-relationship Shino was trying to create with him.

Touji stepped into the dojo. He had spare key's that no other student could get. Actually, there was a lot of stuff he as one of the wealthiest family's sons in Japan could get, but he had always been a bit reserved to use his situation for his own good too much, or at all. As he changed his clothes and chose his Wakyu(Japanese bow), he had a sudden sense that there was someone inside the dojo. Touji knew it was unlikely, not just because of the locked door, but it was in the middle of the night, definitely after 2 am, so the likelihood of anyone coming here was slim.

Touji stepped to the edge of the floor, to his own spot where he always felt most himself. When he drew the bowstring smoothly and let all his disappointments and goals and wishes vanish from his mind he only saw the target. The timing and release felt natural to him, as always they were on point. In the last five years or so Touji had no recollection of shooting off the mark. As if it wasn't even possible.

Sometimes when he was changing after the practice was over, he heard the third years talking between themselves, not realising Touji was there listening. They talked about somebody who had been the best archer in the history of this school. He had gone to win every major competition, but it was sad how he wasn't there anymore to compete or to train with them. They had compared Touji to the guy who wasn't there anymore. How he could be the next Yuzuru, with his natural talent and precision, if only he would go to more archery club practice.

Touji had asked about the legendary archer from their coach. The coach had gotten sad and quiet and shown the big picture in his office where there was a bunch of happy young archers in hakama around him, one of them holding a trophy. The guy who held the trophy was beautiful. He had slightly chubby cheeks, brown short curly hair. Though he felt the calmest of the punch he had also looked the happiest. The coach had explained that he had died a short while ago. He had stepped in front of a car. Nobody knew why this tragic accident had happened.

When Touji had asked if it was a suicide, the coach had turned serious and said, "If it was so, then it's impossible to know. No one was as lively and as full of life as Yuzuru, if it was suicide it was impossible to see from the outside. And there is still no clue about why he would step in front of that car. The cameras all showed how he looked at the coming car for some time before he took that final step."

Touji drew the bowstring smoothly again and was ready to release it when a thought hit him. An archer named Yuzuru. Could it be the guy he met about a week ago? He felt how his fingers released the arrow and saw how it thudded a foot from its mark. "But Yuzuru is supposed to be dead?!" Touji hadn't realised that he had said it aloud.

"Well aren't you a mystery. Just have to realise you've seen a ghost and you miss the easy close-range target?" Shino Yuzuru stepped from the shadows and tried to make a disappointed face, but failed miserably because his face was all lit with the biggest and most beautiful smile Touji had ever seen.

He knew that he had fallen in love from a second glance. With a ghost.

*It wasn't exactly hard to write, but I doubt in every sentence I write too much.. Have to trust me more. I felt good actually, It's not fun, but it's as I've been feeling how Touji can feel. He seems so sad to me, in the movie, the original manga. It's not necessary for others to think so, but I wanted to show how he could feel. How a guy who seems to have everything, money, looks.. well that's what so many of us think is everything one needs, can be suffering inside. I promise there will be lots of laughing and happiness too, but I want to show the deeper side of him. Hope you enjoy it and keep liking it!

*song: Shinee - Who Waits for Love, a new song and I know it's hard to listen to them without JongHyun, but still they are all awesome and great singers, with their individual personalities, maybe like Touji, not just a pretty face... anyway, I'm one of their fans forever. But the song's lyrics go well with this chapter. The song actually got picked before I even had one sentence written.. so maybe I'll borrow some from there.. don't know yet ;)