Ash in the Wind

But...

They always used to tell me to follow my dreams
But I was used to having nightmares
Except they weren't when I slept
They were as I walked down the street with my eyes glued to the concrete because that's the only way I could hold it together
I thought I wasn't good enough and I always compared myself to everyone else around me
My nightmares followed my thoughts like a lost puppy when I asked for help as if I wasn't supposed to need it
My favorite emotion was confliction
I was constantly stuck between having goals and bringing them down
One minute I was rushing with confidence, the next I was rushing to the corner to hide
"I'd love to get started on my future"
"But maybe I'm not ready"
"But maybe I'll get overwhelmed"
"But maybe I'll fail"
But the thing is failing is just a signal that I've tried
It's the confirmation I need to push myself forward because if I've never failed, I've done nothing at all
"But maybe they'll judge me"
"But maybe they won't like me"
I'm done living in a world filled with billions of people just to be like them
I'm one in a billion and it's time I act like it
I'm not living so you can tell me I'm worth it or that I've done well
I don't need your approval I'm not your purchase
You can't buy me in any store because I'm a billion to one
I have goals that won't match yours and ideas that may be outside this world but that's what I'm trying to be
Outside a world who puts me down for taking more time than others to sort out my future
Outside a world who takes every action I do into caution
But maybe you should because my mind is sharp so consider it a threat
My expression is a fifth sense and if you can't come to terms with that then press accept without reading into it, like all people do
I am good enough and I've learned that dreams are meant to be had without action, hence the reason you sleep with them
It is goals to me that are meant to hold the action in me
And that is why I will hold onto them
To me, 'but' is a word that has held me back, so I choose to break free of its grip and push it away because now,
that word will be the only thing that falls on its butt