Ash in the Wind

A Not-so-Nice Letter to Anxiety

I thought about starting this off kindly but you don't deserve it
I started to begin this with a 'dear anxiety' but you aren't dear to me
You're a burden to me that I can't seem to get rid of
You're the 1% that Lysol doesn't kill
I try to tell you to stop but you keep going
Preventing me from finishing simple sentences
Making my heart beat faster when I open my mouth
Or when I get too close to someone I dont know
Is this funny to you?
Is this the comedic relief you need to continue living throughout my mind and body?
I guess you got me
You've got me stuck in a circle of inner battles with myself trying to figure out why I'm like this
Why I let the words bubbling to come out of my throat stay inside
I have the perfect responses in my head but my body won't let me say them
You won't let me say them
I have to keep reminding myself that they're just a person too
But somehow sometimes that makes it worse because if they're a person and I'm a person then what we're doing is communicating
And that's something scarier than the monster under my bed or the boogeyman
This haunts me more than those ever could because your voice in the back of my head keeps replaying conversations
And thinking of so many better words than the ones you limited me to say
You play with my tongue like a dog and when it's just about to run further than you wish, you yank it back
I wish to break this leash you pull me by
And I will,
You see, nature hides strengths in its weaknesses
I will use my fears to push me further and I will go past these words on paper
This isn't a break up letter to an ex partner
It's a break up with you,
My not so dear anxiety