Chapter Twelve: Ethan

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Morning came far too quickly.

I slept restlessly, Maddison's scent comforted me but my dreams were vivid and horrible.
The distance that was between Maddison and I grew bigger and bigger and every time I tried to go back to her or touch her, I would somehow get further and further away.
I started to cry in my dream and yelled and screamed but she couldn't hear.
Then it was like I was watching her live and grow old but she couldn't see me.

Like I was dead.
I woke up with a start and realized I was breathing heavily and sweating slightly. It was still dark outside and I hugged Maddison's warm body to me.
It was just a dream.
I watched Maddison sleep for a while, to calm myself down. Her breathing was relaxed and peaceful, her mouth was slightly open and her cheeks were red from the warm bed. I smiled as I thought how creepy I must look but continued to memorize her face.

Feeling sad I tightened my arms around her waist and kissed her on her forehead.

I could get used to this;

Sleeping with Maddison,

Kissing Maddison.

Wait, no I have gotten used to this. That's why this is so hard.

I rolled over and checked the time, it was ten to five.

We were leaving in forty minutes. 

I heard movement coming from down stairs.
I sighed, and groaned.
Is this really happening.
Maddison stirred and groaned, obviously still half asleep to realize that it was the day when I am about to leave.

Five minutes later, she came to it. Her face jolted into a pained expression,

"Oh no," She rolled on her side and looked at me, a tear rolled down her nose and dripped onto the pillow.

"Hey, don't cry" I said holding her face and putting on an expression that I hoped looked like "everything is going to be fine."

"Don't go" she pouted and hugged me so tightly I struggled to breathe.

"I'm going to come and visit, and we will take turns. You can come to California and I can teach you how to surf and we can go to theme parks and make out on the beach, like every couple does" I said and she laughed a little.
"I hate this, I hate parting with you " I admitted, my thoughts darken slightly as I remembered my dream.
"I want you to stay in bed and don't watch me go. Please, I don't want to feel like I'm the one leaving you. I'll just slip away and then I can message you and we can talk on the phone when I go home and... everything will be okay." I say as I stroke her back and hold her tight.
"Ethan, I have to see you and your family go." Maddison whispered. 
"Why? It will just be hard for you?" I asked,
"Because I need to." She said simply,
"Okay" I said. If that's what you want. Maybe I said that for me. To drive away from her... this is going to suck.
"I love you" She said, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"I love you" I said and kissed her softly.
"Okay" I broke away and stood up.
We both just looked at each other and nodded, this was so painful we had to be strong for one another.
She wiped the tears from her face.
"I'm going to get dressed and grab my stuff. Shall I meet you downstairs?" I ask,
She nods. It's like we have to be formal, because it's so hard.
I go into my room that I shared with Mike, and hardly used because I pretty much moved in with Maddison.
Mike was dressed and making his bed.
"Hey" He said, mid-yawn.
"Hey" I said and started to put on my clothes that I had put out. My bags, lay, packed, by the end of my bed.
The bed was already made, and I hadn't slept in it for a while.
"It's so early. Even the rooster isn't up yet" Mike complained. His little face was all puffy and he looked half asleep.
I sighed and finished putting on my shoes. I was wearing my comfy clothes, as being in an airplane was horrible with constricting material. I chucked on my hoodie, grabbed my bag and followed Mike out of the room.
I took once last glance at the room, then at Maddison's just down the hall.
I gulped back emotion.
Okay.
Ethan. 
Just go down stairs.
I put my bag by the door where I see my families stuff and walk over to the kitchen table.

Toby is eating breakfast. Mum and Dad are finishing their coffee and Mike is making toast.
Maddison's parents are up and having hot drinks. Maddison's mum, Kathy, has her arm around Maddison and she is clutching to her mum. Looking like a small, sad little girl.
My heart lurches.
She had never been with anyone but me.
She had never even kissed a guy before me.

"Honey, do you want some food before we head off?" Mum asked me,

I turned my head to look over at her.
"No thanks, it's too early" I said, feeling sick.
I walk over and sit down at the table. I don't know what to do with myself.
Can we just hurry up and leave now or not go at all.
Why are we dragging this out.

Everyone was pretty quiet. Either from tiredness or sadness, I wasn't sure.
I could feel Maddison watching me and was being comforted by her mum.
I couldn't make eye contact with her.
I got up and went to the bathroom. 

I took forever to wash my hands, trying to pass time.
When I came out, I met Maddison in the hallway, near the kitchen.

We both stopped and looked at each other.
I heard everyone in the kitchen moving, scraping chairs and making tracks.

I watched Maddison carefully.
Her eyes were red but her mouth was in a small, sad smile.
"I'll miss you but talk with you soon" She croaked, then ran and jumped into my arms.
I held her tight and squeezed her, breathing her in.
"I'll miss you but please, don't give up hope. We will see each other soon!" I say back, half choking.
"I love you" I say and put her back down on the ground.
Her hands caress my face.
Our eyes burn into each other.
"I love you, hurry back to me" She smiles and we kiss one more time.
I squeeze her hands,
"Courage Maddison" I smile and walk past her to my family.

More like courage, Ethan. She was being extremely brave.
I felt like my body was moving but I was floating in some distant place.

We all said our good-bye's quickly and the next thing I know, our bags are packed in the van and the colour in the sky is changing. It's less dark and slowly growing lighter in the distance by the hills.
We all climb into the van, I look to Maddison who is standing there with her mum and she blows a kiss at me.
I smile and waved back, I mouth 'I love you'.
She smiles back to me. Tears running down her face.
I think I am in shock. I sit there, looking out at the house, the trees and her; Maddison.

The girl who changed my life over one summer that I will never forget.

Will is driving us to the airport.
The van starts with a rumble and we start to move away from the house, the gravel crunching under our wheels.
I look back, Maddison waves.
I wave back. 
Shit.
She gets smaller and smaller and the house moves away as we continue down the road that will lead me further away from her.
I wonder when I will be back here next.
I wonder what is going to happen.
"Well wasn't that just the best summer ever, boys?" Dad said to us.
Mike and Toby looked half asleep, as they replied with 
"Yes!" 

"It really was" I mumbled and stared out the window.
Will was looking at me through the rear-view mirror.

"Maddison will miss you" He says to me, I smile back.
"I know, and I'll miss her."
I gulp away tears and decide to try and get some sleep. I lean back and close my eyes.
Maddison's tortured face was replaying in my mind.
I put my head phones in and listen to music.

She will be looking after my heart until I see her again.

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