Interviewer:
Good evening, everyone, and good evening, Justin!
Justin Bieber:
Good evening.
Interviewer:
So, let's cut to the chase. Why did you want to become a pop star for preteens?
Justin Bieber:
Well, I'm supposed to say because I love music. But I mean, I don't even do anything in my songs; it's not the music I love. It's the adoration and ego stroking! I feel so desirable!
Interviewer:
I see. Well, all of your songs are certainly full of adoration as well, for someone else. Who is the lucky girl?
Justin Bieber:
I should say my girlfriend. But I don't have one! You see, I don't actually write my own songs. I just sing them and take credit for them!
Interviewer:
I see. ERm - are you sure you want the public to be knowing this?
Justin Bieber:
WHAT?? i thought this was a private interview!
Interviewer:
Well, you do have an audience. Look at the hundreds of people drinking up your every move!
Justin Bieber:
NO! I don't accept it. And i am the almighty Bieber, so I command you all to disappear!
I command you all to disappear!
WHY AREN'T YOU DISAPPEARING??
Interviewer:
Justin, that won't work.
Justin Bieber:
But my daddy said I'm special, and can be whatever I want! And I want to be the person who makes them diappear!
Interviewer:
Okay, someone close the curtains.
*the curtains close*
Justin Bieber:
See? What did I tell you! The scary people are all gone!
Interviewer:
Sure.
Now, we've been getting a lot of complaints that your song lyrics are too old for yourself and the audience you sing for. What is your say on this?
Justin Bieber:
Of course they're not! I mean, I talk about banging girls all over the place and such, but I mean, the kids take sex ed, don't they?
Interviewer:
Some of your fans are THREE YEARS OLD.
Justin Bieber:
Psshhh. I can sing about whatever I want. In fact, I was thinking about asking for my next song to be written about llamas.
Interviewer:
And that's our time. Join us next time, hopefully with Jacob Black - he is proving to be rather elusive towards our attempts to interview him.
YOU ARE READING
Interviewing Bella Cullen (Yes, she really is that stupid.)
VampireUtterly, completely brainless; and significantly ADD. It wasn't too hard to build interviews around that.