dear nobody

2•29•16

Hurting Heart

when I was young (I still am though) I fell for you, I didn't understand how intense it was at the time. I thought I was just some stupid crush I would get over with time, but that wasn't the case. I let you tell me false things, I let people give me false hope that you and me would be something, and that was my mistake. Now that it's been a few years I understand that what I felt for you was beyond a crush or simply just liking you..it was something that made my heart smile at the mention of your name it was something that gave me butterflies in my stomach every time I heard your voice, but it was all toxic to me. You didn't see what you did to me..you moved on and I was crushed, I was crushed because you always flirted with me, and treated me like I was potentially something to you but I wasn't and you didn't care. You didn't care how fragile my heart was, and god I didn't know how invested I was at the time...for years afterwards I thought that maybe it was me, maybe I would never be able to get someone's attention because I couldn't keep yours. The only reason for that was because you gave me the attention that I never got from any guy. You treated me like I was beautiful and special. Then again that just could have been my blinder. I realize yes, I was in love with you. How do I know? I know because you still haunt my thoughts, I still think about you after 4 years, and I know for a fact that if you see me now and want to have anything to do with me my heart would want me to jump to the opportunity to have what I had before. I can't do that though, I don't want to subject myself to that pain anymore. The pain was immense, It was horrible, and for a long while after I felt like every guy would do this to me, and I still think that because you were the only one that made me feel this way. I still have strong feelings for you, but I know that the type of lifestyle you live now is something that I don't want in my life so I have to let my feelings go. Even if you dont remember me I sure as hell remember you. I hope one day I'll meet someone who changes my view on the male population, but for now my heart will be with you....

a/n
i've had these locked up for too long