20 Reasons Why We Met

Reason #7: Soaked Socks And Broken Bones

Do you know what's the worst feeling?

I've had an abundance of time to think about that. After all, sitting on a hospital bed for hours and hours doesn't exactly give you a lot of choice to do anything, except think. And that my friend, is what I am best at.

But, it's also the thing that causes me to be at my absolute worst.

I have a few definitions for the 'worst feeling ever'. Most of them are subjective. In fact, all of them are. 

First off, one of the worst feelings in the whole entire world is having a broken bone. 

I mean, it is pretty self-explanatory. I've never had a broken bone. Must be strange, right? You would think a boy who thinks this much and gets into so much trouble for it would probably have had several broken bones in his lifetime.

Well, apparently not.

But, after the accident, I suffered a broken bone. 

I broke a bone in one of my legs, so I'm going to have to spend quite while in a wheelchair.

I wonder if Alexa would push me around school, or if I had to do it myself.

Honestly, I don't blame Alexa for leaving me alone, off to die in the middle of the road. As ridiculous as it sounds, I really don't. It's scary, y'know, to see somebody get knocked down and end up lying motionlessly on the ground. I get it. I truly don't blame her.

I blame myself for thinking. I blame myself for standing in the middle of the road. and I most definitely blame myself for making Alexa watch the horrifying accident. No one should have to experience the pain of watching someone die. Most definitely not Alexa.

Okay, I change my mind. The worst feeling isn't suffering a broken bone. The worst feeling is knowing the fact that I made Alexa carry a heavy burden when shouldn't even have to. It's just not fair.

Alexa is a beautiful girl. She's kind, gracious and an all-rounder. She was my first friend. and I'm glad she was, because she made me believe that there was good in people. Not all, but some. I wish I had the chance to say sorry to her, to hold her smooth hand and beg for her forgiveness. Burdens are bad. Burdens are terrible, horrifying and outrageous. 

And yet, I gave her one to carry.

I hate myself. I truly do. For having this stupid mental illness. For not being a normal friend to Alexa.

Oh right! Alexa! Did she see me staring into space, and zoning out while I was thinking? Does she think I'm weird? Does she no longer want to be friends with me?

I sigh. Life truly sucks. Especially when you have a stupid mental illness stuck in your life, and it's here to stay.

I look up and focus my vision to the glass door of the hospital ward, trying to imagine some visitors coming my way. There were visitors alright, just not for me.

However, like a miracle, I see a graceful hand push the door gently, and walk right up to me. She's carrying a haversack and some of her school textbooks in her arm. 

I smile, it's Alexa!

But when I look right into her eyes, ready to give her my best "hi" ever, my face falls.

Now I know what's the worst feeling ever.

Seeing the guilt on Alexa's pretty face.

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I felt terrible. So freaking terrible. How could I have done that? How could I have simply allowed Alex to nearly die, right in front of my eyes?

It hurt me. It hurt me so bad, and seeing him lying down with a huge cast on his leg with cuts and bruises all over his body made me feel so much worse than I already did.

"It's just a broken bone," he smiles.

JUST A BROKEN BONE?!? Seriously, JUST a broken bone? I was shocked that he would say something like that. A broken bone is much worse than a bee's sting or some soaked socks. It's a whole bone in your body being freaking snapped into two (okay, not really) and yourself having to deal with the pain and sufferings of moving around in a wheelchair.

It sucked so much to realise that it was all my fault that Alex was lying there in that state.

"Hey, I'm okay! Plus, a great friend like you will wheel me everywhere I go, right?" he asked cheekily.

I couldn't help but smile. He made me so happy in ways I couldn't describe. Even when he was lying in a hospital bed, with his leg raised in the air as it remained suspended with the aid of a cloth of some sort, even when he was in the worst state he could possibly in, he still managed to make me smile.

"Alexa, are you alright?" Alex asked, as I rushed over to hug him, with tears gushing out of my eyes.

I didn't respond. I was too caught up in my emotions. He chuckled as he hugged me back, patting my back as we stayed in that same position for the next few minutes.

And at that moment, just that very moment, I forgot about my depression.