A Thing Called Life

A Thing Called Recovery Pt.4

So I wake up in my bed and I'm thinking...Damn! My parents are getting a divorce. Well, let's look on the bright side. I'll get more Christmas presents but now I'm getting old enough to have a job and buy my own things. I'll have more birthday presents, but then same thing. I'm old enough to buy my own things. So there pretty much isn't a bright side. And plus, I can't deal with all the step dads and the step moms and their children and it's just too much. They've been married for 23 years.

I feel that if they were married for that long, they'd feel like they couldn't live without each other. But who knows, they could've been staying together for us. But right now, I have to go to my therapist for the very first time. I'm scared. I feel like something is really wrong with me. Like I'm crazy or something. The only time I've ever been to the therapist's office is when my grandparents were shot and killed in front of me. But that's another story, well, probably not anymore.

So my mom and pull up into this office. There's nothing much to describe so I'll leave it at that. So we walk into the building, and there's a lady sitting at the front desk. "Hello. My name is Sandy. May I help you with something?" she said, with her thick accent. "Um yes. We have an appointment for Robby Love." mom says. "Ah yes. We've been expecting you Mr. Love." she says, with her smile getting wider and wider. "Mom. I'm a little creeped out by her." I said, turning my face away.

"Right this way." Sandy said. We followed her into a hallway. It had no pictures, no doors leading into other rooms. Just one big hallway with a door at the end. "Where did you find this place mom?" I asked, getting nervous. "Calm down. You're just nervous." she said. When we got to the end of the hallway, she stepped aside and said, "Um. Only Mr. Love can come in. Unless you both need therapy." "Oh. I'm sorry." she said. "You can follow me to the waiting room. They left.

I walked inside the room when I couldn't see them anymore. "Mr. Love. Hi, how are you today?" a man said. "I'm fine." I said. I didn't even look at him. I'm too afraid. "Well, my name is Dr. Nemo. It's great to meet you son." he said, extending his hand. I shook his hand but still didn't look at him. "Robby, before we get started I just want to tell you that if you need anything from me, you just give me a call." he said. He gave me his business card. "Thanks." I said, under my breath.

"So tell me Robby. Why are you here?" he asked me, taking out his notepad. "Well my girlfriend killed herself because of me, my best friend was diagnosted with A.I.D.S., and my parents are getting a divorce." I said, still not looking at him. But I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was stuned. "Um. Well, can you explain to me why you think it is your fault that your girlfriend killed herself." he said. "It is my fault. She told me that she loved me and that she was moving and I just walked out." I said, with tears coming to my eyes.

"Oh no. Don't think that. Look, I know how hard it is dealing with deaths and why they happen. But putting it on yourself isn't a way of dealing with it. I'm not saying forget her but saying forget what happened. Because it's not your fault, she took her own life." Dr. Nemo said. "But I dealed with situation all wrong. I wasn't supposed to walk out. I was supposed to tell her I loved her back. Lord knows I do." I said, wiping a tear. "Robby, at the end of the day, you're going to have to learn how to live with it." he said.

"It's just something that I can't do right now." I said, wiping another tear. "Robby, will you look at me." Dr. Nemo said, with his voice sounding more stern." I looked up at him finally seeing what he looked like. He was white, he had a head full of blonde hair, and a tacky blue suit. "You're going to have to learn someday. But until that day comes, don't do anything crazy like killing yourself, killing anybody else. Call me if you need to talk." he said. He wrote something down on his notepad.

"I'll see you next week, son. Please remember what I said." he said, extending his hand. I shook his hand while wiping a tear. I walked out to the waiting room where my mom was waiting for me. She was reading a People magazine. "Mom, can we go now." I said, hiding my face from her. "Um. Yes. Honey are you okay?" she said, putting her hand on my cheek. "Yea mom. Let's go." I said, taking her hand off. So we drove back home and I didn't say a word. My mom didn't say a word either.

We walked back into the house and everyone greeted me. "Hey Rob. How ya doing?" Rocky asked. "Rob! What's up man!" Chad said. "Robby dear, how are you?" Lilah asked. "Robby. Are you okay?" my dad asked. I didn't say anything. I just went up into my room and slammed the door. I hate my life right now. I have to go to a therapist like some crazy mother fucker.  And now everybody was greeting me like I was sick or stupid. That makes me feel so wrong inside.

But at the end of the day I know someone I found that I can talk to. Chelsi. I dialed her number and waited for her to pick up.

Chelsi: Hello?

It was a boy who picked up the phone.

Me: Um. Yea can I speak to Chelsi.

Man: Who is this?

Robby: Her friend Robby. Who is this?

Man: Her boyfriend Matt. Chelsi's not here right now but I'll tell her you called.

Then Matt or whatever his name was, imediately hung up the phone. I can't believe Chelsi lied to me. Right when I was begining to trust her she lied. Just out of a relationship my ass. I'm going to tell her that tomorrow at school. Just let me go through this thing called recovery.