Trust wasn't something that came easily to Mae and it wasn't something that she had ever planned on changing. Her heart, enveloped inside a wall of thorns like a single rose, was the only thing she was afraid of losing.
Though, when the alluring "b...
Ringing sounds pierced my ears; waking me from a well deserved nap. Reaching for my phone, Nate's face stared back at me from an old contact picture.
It had been around two hours since I threw myself down onto my bed, allowing my silk bedsheets to engulf me. After convincing Lexi that there was no secret guy, and that there was no wedding to plan, I ditched class and decided to nap it off. I couldn't face seeing anyone. Not Hanna, not Nate, not the mystery guy - hell, even talking to my sister or Lexi was feeling forced.
Reflecting over the past few days, I realised that I had been masking my pain.
It really fucking hurt to know that Nate was cheating on me after I was so faithful to him. There were occasions where we took breaks away from each other and we'd see other people, but never would I ever hook up with anyone else whilst I was talking with Nate. I was loyal and I didn't need to be proud of it, it was the normal thing to do.
What wasn't normal, was the fact that Nate, a guy who used me up and spat me out, was calling me at lunch time on a Thursday afternoon after I'd told him where to stick it and he'd made things 'official' with Hanna a week prior.
And by official, I mean that Nate had commented a heart eyes and fire emoji beneath one of Hanna's Instagram selfies, and gave her a cheeky peck in front of a few students.
I wondered what he wanted for a few seconds, before his face disappeared from the screen and was replaced with a missed call notification. Then, I remembered how he wasn't worth my time and that Dua Lipa sure wouldn't be happy if I picked up that damn phone.
So, I ignored him and by placing my phone on the side, I closed my eyes once again.
A few moments went by before the phone began to vibrate so much, it almost fell off of the bedside table. Grabbing it quickly, I peered at the messages whizzing past my eyes. The messages went on and on until I had over 50 within a minute. Sighing heavily, I blocked his number. Deleting the text messages, I then placed my phone on Do not Disturb mode and placed it down again once more.
It wasn't as if anyone else would be messaging me, after all I'd told Lexi this morning that I'd probably head home & sleep it off. I told her I'd felt ill from the fast food we'd eaten the night before and I hoped that she believed it - although the frown that formed on her face told me that she knew I was, without a shadow of a doubt, lying.
Never mind, I thought, because Alexis wouldn't be mad at me for needing space and that was why I loved her so much. If only she were a man, sigh.
As I began to envision what Lexi would look like as a guy, the door began to knock rapidly. The taps became louder and more frantic as each second passed. Jumping up, I tucked my wild hair behind my ears and tiptoed towards the front door. Peering through the peep-hole, I discovered Nate's face peering back. I'd have laughed at the way the lens made him look if I wasn't so overwhelmed with the desire to throw up.
"I know you're in there, Mae. It's lunch time and you're not in the cafeteria. You didn't even show up to class." He snapped. Stepping away from the door, I peered around for some kind of help before deciding to throw a chair under the door. Quietly carrying it across, I placed it down and slid it under the handle. The door may have been locked and bolted, but I still didn't trust Nate enough to not break the door down. He sounded angry and being angry meant he would get violent.
"Mae. Open the damn door." Gritted teeth prevented the sentence from sounding anything but threatening, making me take another few steps back. Soon, I was laying on my bed, hugging my knees in terror. I hoped he would leave swiftly before I had to call Lexi.
After taking several deep breaths, I listened out for Nate. He had gone quiet for some reason, which worried me a lot more than him hammering the door down.
Less than a second later, something heavy impacted the door and I knew it could only be Nate's shoulder.
"Shit!" I whispered aloud, this wasn't good. If the door got broke, I'd have to pay for it and with my parents being the people they were, they'd demand CCTV and I'd have to tell them who Nate was and why he was causing such a scene outside my dorm. I wasn't ready for the lectures.
A second try caused Nate to grunt, resting his back against the door breathlessly.
"Mae, please." he demanded, desperately. "I need to talk to you."
Stupidly, my feet made their way to the door and my hands moved the chair out of the way. Leaving the chain on, I unlocked the door, opening it slightly. Nate immediately turned around and pushed into the door, attempting to barge his way in.
"Not so fast." I said, pointing out the metal that draped between us; my only safety.
"Take that damn chain off now!" he yelled. "Do you not trust me?"
"Trust you? Oh, Nate I've never trusted you." I laughed, staring into his cold eyes, expressionless. He looked rough, like he hadn't slept for a week which was an unusual sight on him.
"Never?" he asked, pained by my frosty approach.
"I've never trusted you. I don't trust anyone." I explained, folding my arms across my chest. "You're not special, I can assure you."
"You ain't nothin' neither." he laughed, stepping back and smirking.
Frowning, I attempted to push the door closed, but he stepped forward and wedged his foot between the gap.
"You think you're real special don't you, Mae? Oh, little miss bad girl can take on the world. You're never wrong, always misunderstood, and oh Lord forbid anyone tries to put you in your place!" he began, clutching onto the door with his face pressed against the gap. He was getting angrier and angrier as the seconds went by. "You need to be taught how a woman should act!"
Tears filled in my eyes and all I could do was push the door with all of my might to get Nate away from me.
"Leave me alone!" I screeched, pushing and pushing and pushing at the door. Visions of him breaking the chain flashed through my mind.
"Come here, you little-" he snapped, grabbing my top in an attempt to drag me through the gap in the door.
"Get- Get off of me!" Tugging myself backwards, I kicked at his foot to budge it from the gap in the door and luckily it did, allowing me to slam the door on his hand.
Screaming loudly, he begged me to let go and let his hand free but something in me snapped. I couldn't let go of that door no matter how much I needed to. I wanted him to hurt like he had hurt me all of those times. I wanted him to feel the pain that I had endured.
Then it hit me, I was a monster. I was just like him and if I didn't let go of that door, he would win.
And so I did. I let him go and I watched as he stepped back and rushed away. Unlocking the chain, I opened the door fully and looked left. He was gone, he was finally gone.
Taking a reassuring deep breath, tears ran down my face. I was a mess.
Worry washed over me and a gut feeling told me to look right, but when I did, I found my mysterious friend looking back at me with danger in his eyes.
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written by patreece / 25.06.18
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