Bitter Affectionate

Chapter 3

Back at Brent's place after school, I was looking at him instead of his video game. I couldn't get what that boy said in the washroom out of my head. People knew about me. They didn't know it was me, but they still knew. No one else on the team was gay. I'd known those guys since I was a kid, they take and use gay as an insult. He was right; no one in their right mind would be gay in that town. So, what was wrong with me?

"You're quiet," Brent pointed out, not taking his eyes off his game, but I could see a small grin on his face from the reflection in the television. "Is there something on you're mind?"

"I guess I am quiet, huh?" I concurred, "And, yes, there is. I wanted to ask you something?"

"No, I won't go out with you. But, I'm flattered you asked me."

"Not that, idiot," I rolled my eyes, pushing a hand through my hair. "Something... more important."

"More important than me? Now I'm worried."

Maybe you should be. "You know I trust you, right?"

"Yeah, of course, man."

I inhaled deeply. I was stalling. I wanted to stall. I felt bad for having to ask, I mean, he was my best friend!

Nevertheless, I said, "Did you tell anyone that I'm gay?"

"No!" He answered immediately, his voice sounding like he was genuinely hurt by my words, but then again, Brent is an excellent actor. "Why the hell would I do that? First of all, you're basically my brother, and I love you, but secondly, you could kick my ass in a millisecond without breaking a sweat."

That was a very true statement.

"Why do you think I told?"

"Some boy in the bathroom told me that a rumour was going around. Apparently, someone on the football team is gay..."

"Oh."

Brent quietted down then, sympathetic and thoughtful. He absentmindedly ran around the map in his video game, not going in any particular direction, just running and staying alive. That was definitely a metaphor for my life.

"Do you want me to ask around? Maybe I can find out who started the rumour, or who it's about?" He offered, but I shook my head.

"No, I feel like that'd be suspicious. Especially if it is about me. People would definitely know if they already suspected it and them you go around like, Ay mates, who is gay around here?"

"When did I become British?"

"Its an artistic choice, but I'm happy with it."

Brent didn't laugh like I expected him to. He had his nose scrunched up in concentration as he continued to fiddle with the buttons on his controller. He was starting to freak me out, so I slid off the couch to sit next to him on the floor. I strung my arm casually over my best friends shoulders and squeezed him reassuringly.

"Hey, are you actually getting worked up over this?" I asked, pretending I wasn't bothered. Brent shrugged, focusing more on the buttons than me. I leaned over and paused the game, taking the controller away from him. "Brent..."

"What if they did find out, Drew? What would you do about it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Would you embrace it? Would you put a rainbow flag in your locker, and be yourself? Or, would you quit the team, and move away and forget about everything?"

He had this look on his face that made me unsteady. I knew what was going on; he was hearing voices. He'd been hearing voices since he was in third grade. He barely heard them then, but it became more frequent as he got older. Sometimes, he saw things as well, but that was much rarer.